Wednesday, July 9, 2008

remorse

what have i done?
am i subconciously or unconsciously behaving in ignorant?
what have i forgotten? how could i forget about them?
i have forgotten about my loves one. the one whom i have spent my whole life mostly and whom i have been intimately closed with and always and always there to support me no matter what i'm going through. they dare to drop me lots of encouragements when i'm down regardless of what they are going through at that very moment. so sorry for what i've done. i beg for their forgiveness for my impertinent behaviour.

i just want to pray that God will restore this relationship once again. the distance should not be an excuse for contacting them any less. this should not be the way. there must be something to be done. i love ____ and ____. really love you and i'm really sorry.

few days ago, i called her and she told me about her grudges and it just struck me badly because i thought she would be strong. But i was totally wrong. she said she had tried very hard to forgive and to pray for him but she no longer capable of bearing the pains. she was so bitter inside and here i am, passively asking about it, just knew about it. do you know how sad and bitter i feel? forgive me for being passive ____. so sorry for being ignorant and i pray that God will strengthen you and soften your heart and heal your broken heart. we will be all together one day. God has promised me that.

as for him, i just feel how our relationship has been strained and so so distanced. why? there are many things that i have not revealed to him. years ago, i wanted to tell him about things in my heart but there were always something that hindered me for telling him. was it driven by fear that his anger that i might not be able to bear? or was it because of fret that i would not be accepted by him and he might think i am ungrateful towards him. i am afraid to talk to him. is this unhealthy fear? i do not know. i'm struggling. but one thing i want to assure you is that i really do love you and i will prove that even though i do not know how i might express it to you. i pray that God will change you and i will not give up until God answer my prayers. Lord, remind me to pray for them, for those that i have forgotten to pray for.

i need more remainder and top up and pick the phone up and started calling those numbers. i don't care how much it would cost me because this relationship is everything to me.






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