sighed

aq merasa pingin menyerah aja...menghindar sebisa mungkin dan kalo bisapun menghilang.
that's all i've got to say.

Leisure

Going shopping, travelling, watching movies..forget about it. It is not the leisure I’m currently engaging in. This is also not something that I planned. Rather it is just happened on impulse. Lying on the couch with a book in my hand and music played on the ipod that I’m so into these few days. With a clear tone I say no to friends who asked me ‘aren’t u bored to stay at home for the whole day’? yea at least not this time. haha it is rather weird because I hardly stay up late just to read novel or story book, yea except for harry potter that dragged me till really late at night (not the whole series of harry potter, just one of them).

At first I was glancing idly through the book and it excited me as it exposed the loopholes in law and also the fascinating expose of the ways in which law is just a black and white sets of rules and principles that the judiciary and lawyers are not lived up to sometimes. Or perhaps it is just the way I interpreted it. Often time movies or novels involving the courtlike scenario are too far from what the reality is, yea too far from I have learned at Law school. The series on‘girl, sex and money’ for example, how could a state prosecutor prosecuted a defendant where she’s having sexual relationship with a defendant’s brother? Another annoying example of an American show where the prosecutor and the defence lawyer have a relationship and proceed to prosecuting the defendant without disclosing their relationship to the bench and withdrawn themselves from the case. Where is the fiat justitias (let justice be done)? That’s a rather obvious example of bias and the defendant has been denied a fair trial. Another lie is where those shouting and foul language fill the court’s atmosphere. It is rather a solemn presentation of case, you can even hear the fly flies If I need to say it to give you a clear imagination how the real court system like.

The book that I’m reading is different from usual book involving the court-like system maybe because the author is a Botswana’s first High Court judge. Although, at the beginning I suspected it to be the same as normal book, I was wrong. In the end of the story, it explained why the Judge did not withdraw himself in the first place while hearing the case of his granddaughter who has been raped by a maniac man. It turns up that he did not know that she was his granddaughter. And yea in the end, the case was not heard in his court and this secret has not been revealed to the public.

The novel makes my mood swings ups and downs. It’s all about rape and abuse cases. I like the character that the prosecutor played. She’s very fierce not only the opponents but to the judges whom to her mind do not live according to the spirit of law.

Sighed...I finished reading the novel already. Then what to read next? Romance novel. No way. I’m not fond to reading those. They make me fall asleep.

That’s my leisure for these few days.

Plans

Unlike me, my dad has lots of plans for me. do your postgrad-diploma this month to this month and next you do your master from this year to this year and then you work for 1 year and after that you do your Phd. he even suggested me working not in Indonesia but other countries. i could only say WOW, that's really a great plan.

in the midst of the conversation, I asked him a question, yea jokingly, when do i get married? without pause, he asked me back, do u have one already and who's that guy?. I just laughed and he continued saying 'well you can get married after you work'. oh gosh, my dad even planned at what age i get married. i cannot believe what i heard. I just hope he won't plan to get me a husband. I'll definitely run away if he does that.

anyway, after all it was a great conversation and plan and i personally astounded by that. as the bible says men can plan but God will decide. I just wait for God to direct me as to what i should do.

i cannot stop smiling...and dad, you are so funny

My Hero Mummy

I miss my mom terribly. Wondering what she is doing right now. I guess something productive. Lol. My Mom is my world to me. She’s the one that I called when I was stressing out about studies even though sometimes she scolded me because she could not catch up what I was saying as I cried when I talked. My dad, well, he responded differently when I called and cried about studies. He laughed and made fun of me. He would say ‘masa anak bapak nangis gara-gara kuliah’. In that sense, he made me stopped crying. Oh ya, Alex also responded differently as well. He laughed and at the same time he asked me whether I wanted to watch movie or eat out. That was happened on my first semester.

What did I just say? I supposed to share about my mom. Okie now come back to that. My mom I would say ‘like to keep things to herself’. If she feels sad, she wouldn’t show it, but I know. She just does not want to make us worried. She is also strong in the sense that if I’m in her position, I certainly don’t know whether I can do what she has done in the past.

She’s also cheerful one and very funny. She can make her colleagues laughed, you know a belly laugh. I often go to her office, that’s why I know. She also makes me laugh.

My mom is also a very good cook. If I’m going back, I dont wanna eat out because I wanna eat my mom’s cooking. She feeds me like a baby if I’m home. My aunt Nella is a very good cook too. I often watch them cooking so that I can get their recipes. When it comes to cooking it is always different to read the recipe book and cook them according to the instruction than watch the chef cooking and practice them yourself. I prefer the latter.

My mom is also a control freak when it comes to cleanliness. Oh gosh, but I get used to it already and at the same time I have been trained to be tidy and clean. Well, it was not my mom who trained me how to take care about the house. Rather it was my grandmother. I used to stay at my grandmother’s place which is far away from Medan, for 4 years. I was being nagged by my grandmother for my own good (because I did not know how to do house cleaning, not even how to wash plates). Now I miss those nagging and my grandmother’s house. I like to be in my grandmother’s place because I could go to the wheat field (not my grandma’s but family member’s), pick fruits by myself, walk early in the morning to ‘permandian air panas (natural one), and had a horseride from the wet market with grandma (which I never had in Medan and Msia).

My mom has a 6 sense too. You know, when your mom said ‘don’t ride a motorcycle’, you just have to obey otherwise sometimes things will go wrong. That always happened to me and my brothers. When I disobeyed her, I got into accidents. ouch, painful.

My mom is also an example for me to go stronger in my faith to God. Before I came to Msia, we always had our devotion together at 5am. That was a wonderful time. She always keeps her children in her prayers and gently guide us to God.

That’s all about my mom from now
Thanks Mummy
Love you so much

Simplicity

is life complicated? or is that I that make it complicated? it has been bestowed upon me an authority as to whether i choose to make it complicated or simple. i wonder why i chose the complicated way of life. and now im absolutely tired of living in that way.

even Jesus asks us to live in simplicity and why am i so stubborn? huh, Now i choose to live as simple as what has been written in matthew 7:7 'ask and it will be given to you; seek for you will find it; and knock and the door will be opened to you'. I also choose not to care about other things that bother me along the way as i stand upon His word. I need to speak with an authority that it is mine. I feel tired of thinking and being bothered by pressures.

I was just pondering upon the words that my fellow friend asked me. he just asked me these 2 questions 'have you tried knocking at the doors?' and 'do you choose to be affected by the circumstances or you choose to manage it?'. I keep the answers to myself. but right now, i wanna take heed and live according to that message from the book of matthew.

live in simplicity is the thing that i need to exercise and pray for.

Frailty

ah my eyes are dried and painful. my lower back and legs are also pain. I feel tired so easily. what's wrong with me. i wonder why i get sick so easy and often here in australia. is it the weather or my antibody has gone to 0,01% again? i had had the boosters for 3 times 2 years ago and my last booster will be in 2010. then what is it? i feel tired seeing a doctor already.

i dont like taking medication and i prefer to go natural. i think i should change my dietary intakes and set my sleeping time framing. any suggestion for the foods?

A Thought Before I Sleep

a sudden whim of being alone passes my thought. there is no explanation whatsoever.i just wanna be alone and stop doing what i normally do (something that dragged me from what i really was). my morning was spent writing my thought on my other entry that no one could read but me. i felt a sense of relief there.

i'm thankful that step by step my daddy help me to go through this and deliver me from the place where i was to the place that he heads me to. i understand that there is no such a thing as an overnight 360 degree change. it could be a shocking and temporarily one if such a thing happened. this year, he reminds me through a friend of mine that i need to overcome the fear that overwhelmed me. this fear gives me lots of pressure. i would not say that i call myself stupid for the first time but i hardly say it because there is a power on words that are coming out of our mouth. i called myself stupid because daddy has given me lots of solid proof that he will keep delivering me but yet i still feared. isn't it stupid? how much more i need for daddy to show that he's always by my side and will direct me and that he has a wonderful plan for me and for that reason i should not fear? i also wonder why. but i'm not worried because i certainly know that i'll get the answer later as i ask and seek him.

at this time being, i just need direction because i see no doors opened and i have no idea where to go and what to do. even though im in this kind of situation, i wanna learn not to fear but to trust him because only by and through faith alone daddy can act.

i end this by encouraging myself that 'even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for daddy is with me and his rod and his stuff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4)'

the 'T'

i'm scared as the day passes by
T____________________T

"2009"

In tiredness, the thought of having my own quite time came to mind. Just me, I and ika that I wanted for New Year Eve. But it had never happened. Rather it only happened after 3am. Although my quite time was rather late, I was glad that finally I could make it. I have lots of things in my mind. I was not feeling discouraged by what I found and heard (not absolutely, only slightly). It became my focus in the year of 2009. Cheering up the loved one when I felt the most broken was something that God has distracted me away from focusing on the problems. The loved one needed courage and supports to stand by and to tell her that I love her so much. I’d do anything for her. But I made a big mistake. I was really really angry and disappointed at my brother. In anger I poured out what came to mind. It should not be that way and I’m so sorry for that. I took a deep breath trying to cool down. I could only pray that God will open up your heart to truly see what’s going on.

Anyway, this New Year was my second best new year ever in my life. Last year was the year where God tested my faith. It was truly true that even though the suffering was last throughout the night (and at the same time I felt hopeless), His joy came in the morning. It’s like God gave me a reward for waiting patiently for him to act on time. A big smile was put on my face. :D :D :D

This New Year is the year of freedom, I can decide where I wanted to spare my New Year Eve and do whatever I wanted to do without someone telling me what to do and where to go.lol, this is only a temporary feeling. The truth is this year is a year of faith. There are lots of things that if I see with my own bare eyes are impossible to get them restored and transformed. What God has been telling me these days is to acknowledge Him, His Power and anything that He can do through me as I have my faith set on Him. Basically, it is to take shelter at His words and faithfulness. Oh no, I didn’t realize that God has repeatedly told me this until I flashed back on His words that I have read. Okie, I got it Now.

To sum up, I say I enter the year of 2009 with faith. Everything is gonna be alright.

The Count Down

These days till the day of New Year Eve, I had a very hectic and tiring day. I moved out from my previous cosy house to Janice’s place which is also cosy (it’s clean that’s why it’s cosy). Cheeming has been helping me to move my stuffs but yet I still have to carry things on my own, washed the carpet, and cleaned the whole house on my own too. I reckon, if I continued doing it JUST for another 1 day, I think I’d collapse.

Despite the fact that I was tired and could not make it for dinner on cheeming’s b’day, my New Year eve was awesome. I went over to their house right after they finished dinner. I was served with cheese cake and cherries and their laughter at the mah-jong table. Kinda of understand how to play it...the real mah-jong not the computer one...lol.

Teng teng it’s 11.22, everybody was rushing to get to the waterfront to see the fireworks. Sparks...sparks...sparks of the fireworks were not only splashed in one shape. Rather, they came in different shapes like flowers, falling stars, flowers and many more. It was extraordinarily beautiful. I was astounded at its beauty. It was also the day where the summer was felt like a winter. It was freaking cold!!!!! Thank goodness Yoong Sing lent me his overcoat.
I felt exciting to let people who are living in the different continents know that it’s already 2009 here in Hobart. It feels like Doraemon.lol...anyway it’s incredible awesome.

So, how’s yours?