Dec 03rd, 2008

upon waking up from my sleep, there was this thought came to my mind, 'what's the reason i wake up in the morning'. seemingly that i have no plan to face the day. i screamed from the inside 'let You be the reason i wake up in the morning'. Please dont ask me why, i'm still trying to figure it out.

keep myself busy does not seem to last long. trying to run away from the situation but i ended up drawing to be so closed. i feel so insecured, fret, and confused.

today, I checked on something that caused me to loss myself. I mean i was no longer me. so much wanted to cry but i could not because my mind was just being filled by anxiety and any possibility of dissapointment or perhaps anger.

feeling that i could not take it anymore, i decided to call shaun ewe and told him everything. I feel so much relieved because while i talked to him i could find myself, i could cry. I thank God that He has placed him in my life to just being there for me, to support me when no one does, to give me courage when i needed it the most. he always say 'don't give up girl, you can do it'...i dont know how to thank him.

today i find him very funny. He was in melbourne when i called him and after he came back from melbourne, he gave me a call because he said he wanted to pass me something. i thought it must be something really important or a book because it was already midnight. you guess what 'it was a custard pie from melbourne'..haha funny. he wanted me to taste because it was from melbourne. anyway, it was nice. it was the happy moment i have today and also the dinner with few of classmates.

things to thank God for yesterday and today
1. thank you for that very chance even though it is not the way i wanted it to be
2. that God still enables me to hope in him. to raise up a prayer and a hope in the midst of these circumstances. i hope the cry of my heart be answered. show me Your miracles
3. thank you for placing shaun to stand by me and encourage me
4. thank you for those happy moments. although i had a tough day, you still put a smile on my face.
5. thank you that my brother is revitalising. yesterday, he had exam and went for the haircut. finally, i could get him an ipod for his b'day present.
6. thank you that you never forgets me. help me to be in tune with you, to take you as words and deeds and not to place my trust and hope in what i could see but on things that are yet to come and many more oh God. you know me more than i know myself.