Struggles and Victories

New Mobile

2009-12-28T02:05:00.004+11:00

haha I was commenting on FB on how I wish to have a new mobile. well Alex was laughing at me when I asked "who wants to get me either BB or Iphone"..hehe *Magic came in play i believe. i just got it not even a night...thank you dady.

okie. that will be the end of my entry for today. i wanna explore on my New BB already...

..........

2009-12-19T16:27:00.002+11:00

not to my surprise that the old feeling and fear of the end year moment come and hunt me once more. but my inner spirit encouraged me stand firmed on who I am in Him. Lord, you said "greater the one who is in me than the one who is in this world".

NYATAKANLAH KUASAMU DI DALAM KU. ini tanganku, hatiku, khawatirku dan hidupku kuserahkan hanya padaMu. terima kasih Tuhan, karena aku masih punya Engkau tempatku mengadu dan bersandar. Aq mengasihiMu Tuhan. Mampukanlah Aq hidup untukMu.

His continuance love and presence

2009-11-03T14:19:00.004+11:00

strangely exhausted for almost everyday. I wonder whether it is the workloads or the 3 hours journey from my house to my working place that cause me to feel the extreme fatigue. I tried to press on everyday forgetting all the pains. yea not surprisingly, I could just bear the pain during the day remembering that works required my attention to get them done in time. However, I cry silently after I come back from work because the pains start taking a revenge on me after I ignore them during the day at the office. The pain is indescribable.

Nevertheless, my God is always there for me. when I was tempted to quit or even to complain, He said this to me "you asked Me to give you a job and I gave you. there are responsibilities that come along with what you were asking for. Don't worry I'll give you strength to do what I ask you to do. just do your best and I will take care of the rest."His continuing love and presence that help me to press on till today. what a wonderful God. one thing about knowing Jesus is that He makes me smile in midst of melancholy situation and He assures me that my hope in Him will never be disappointed as I stay faithful through the moment of refining. another promise that I hold unto is the assurance that God sees the trouble and the brokenhearted of His people and He TAKE them all TO HIMSELF so that His people could experience a total freedom through believing in Him.

Beside that, through His spirit, He opens the eyes of my heart to understand His words and also makes me pray a prayer of refining myself from all kind of wickedness. His words say that "wipe out oh Lord the wickedness of the people until you cannot find any of wickedness in them". This verse means that God is not wiping out the people but their wicked ways. No doubt in the process of wiping out our wicked ways, we may see suffering in the flesh as if we are being wiping out not our wicked ways. but do not be fooled by what we see. keep our eyes on Him, stay faithful and press on till we see our wicked flesh being renewed and obedient to the spirit of God that is in us.

That's all for today my brothers and sisters. hope we keep pressing on till the end of the day and we shall pray and encourage one another ya so that we may grow together. God Bless you all. Hugs and lots of love.
=)

B'day wishes

2009-10-23T22:38:00.003+11:00

birthday is coming soon and i have been waiting for such day to come. I don't want party or birthday cake,. but i want a new mobilephone. i have been planning to ask my dad to buy me a blackberry on my birthday. so he will have no excuse for my request. hihi...i want it not because i wanted for the sake of wanting it. but i want it because my old phone cannot co-operate wih me any longer. I cannot tolerate with my old mobile phone anymore. can you imagine, the voice of the person from the other side of the phone is out of sudden shaken and it happens when the conversation begins for about 5 minutes. IT'S ENOUGHHHHH.

God's business of peeling off

2009-10-04T21:34:00.005+11:00

"KETERBUKAAN adalah kunci dari PEMULIHAN...
......BUKAN soal BENAR atau SALAH tetapi RESPON..."
the above statement really strikes me this morning as i attended a morning service. trying to hold my tears but it was pouring out greatly. but i can assure you that it was tears of Happiness. It refreshes me about God's business of peeling off my dried and ugly-looking layers of skin. He is peeling it off layer by layer *outchhh...He is making me beautiful each day. But it is not as easy as you might think of. it is really painful.

just wanna share a short testimony on what i was going through last friday. my senior asked me to review case of a new client and upon reviewing we found something out of order. i checked and re-checked, unfortunately i still couldn't find the one that we were searching for. in the end the email was sent to this client inquiring about the matters. in the meantime, as i was drafting the case summary of that case, i found the one that we were previously searching for. and i said to myself oh NO, THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. unfortunately it was happening. i was really down that afternoon because to my mind i made a huge mistake. i got 2 choices of which one was favourable at least in my own thinking but it was actually otherwise, and the other one was not going to give any favor as i had to admit that i made a mistake and would be scolded. i chose the second choice and i got a different respond. My senior did not scold me *She actually just found out about the case just before i found out about it,,,,probably She was waiting for me to tell the truth,,,in respond She comforted me and gave some advice,,,I was really and am still grateful for God helped me to take a step of which i was previous tempted not to do *the confessing part,,,my flesh is weak but greater is the One who is in me than the one who is in the world *which is me

my point of telling the aforesaid testimony is that as i was opened up for correction, God enabled me to respond to what He has revealed to me and favors overflew simultaneously. I pray for all my brothers and sisters in Christ and I that God will do the works of peeling off until we are perfectly beautiful in due time.

so just be prepared for another peeling off ya,,,love you all,,,LOVE YOU LORD...

first laughter of the day

2009-07-27T14:55:00.003+10:00

hahahahaha
I laugh because I am happy
it isn't just today but it was since yesterday morning during the sunday service.
it is just about another confirmation from God.

*I forgot where it is written but basically all it says is that "we are alive, moving and exist because of Him" and "we are the descendant of God". as for the former, all i got is that "I know that I am here for a reason and I don't need to find a reason why in the first time I ever existed in this world. And every step I take God directs and nothing happened by coincidence *but I have to give ears to His words and a willing heart to obey and trust Him wholeheartedly."

as for the latter, it all confirmed to me that I am His and He will help me to be like His Son Jesus Christ. so I ain't worried about anything but I will pray and submit everything [plans, struggles, future and all] to God.

coffee ???

2009-07-21T16:58:00.004+10:00

ups what happen??
suprisingly, Coffee has no effects on me already.
has my body's immuned to coffee without me realising it?
oh no oh no
this is not good,,
what am I supposed to drink when I feel sleepy then??
erhm,,,aHaaaa, Ginseng will do or Red Bull *the one with sugar,,
yea I am only left with two options,,

Berkat & K'kuatan yang Baru

2009-07-21T11:22:00.003+10:00

Yesus adalah hal yang terindah yang pernah gw miliki dalam hidup ini. Dia slalu beri kekuatan and berkat yang baru setiap harinya kepadaku dan saudara-saudara sekalian. semalam Tuhan kasih berkat dan kepastian yang baru buatku yaitu dari filipi 1-2. didalam 2 chapter yang gw baca, ada 3 hal yang kutangkap yaitu

1. jikalau aku harus hidup di dalam dunia ini, aku harus berbuah

2. oleh karena kerendahan hati Tuhan bahkan sampai Ia mati di kayu salib dan di kuburkan, Allah Bapa meninggikanNya dan namaNya adalah diatas sgala nama. "supaya oleh namaNya ditundukkan, segala yang ada di langit, yang ada diatas bumi dan yang ada dibawah bumi. dan sgala lidah mengaku bahwa Yesus Kristus adalah Tuhan, dan Bapa yang disorga dipermuliakan" -> hey disini kita smua yang percaya dikasih pengertian bahwa "tak ada yang dapat mengalahkan kita jikalau kita mengandalkan nama Tuhan dan bersandar pada apa yang diperintahkannya". jadi jangan takut kalo ada rintangan dan badai yang menerpa kita ditengah perjalanan kita okie. andalan Tuhan dan Dia adalah Allah yang setia pada janji-janjiNya..Okie..Hebat bukan,,

3. lakukanlah sgala sesuatu dengan tidak bersungut-sungut dan berbantah-bantahan.

:)

2009-07-17T11:01:00.002+10:00

ring ring, the alarm rang at 4am
not realising that the night has gone by
and it is time to get ready to receive a fresh bread

4 hours were not usually enough
but it cannot be a reason to complain
rather I should be thankful
because the new strength is given
and a bright day is waiting ahead

keep me eyes straight on You oh God
for I want to get through the day with Your guidance,
with the company of Your Holy Spirit and Your words as my sword
this is I, Ika, take me to Your presence
and I surrender all things that I will do and say today into Your loving hands

argh

2009-07-15T17:30:00.005+10:00

arghhhh & sighed,,nothing to do at the office today,,
ups not that there is nothing to do but it is just i have done what i am supposed to do.
seriously i got headache when i am stoning at the office,,*give me more tasks, give me,,i need it,,
erhmm oh ya, it was really upsetting when i went to the tax registry office. i supposed to apply for Company's tax registration number, but there was something needed to be there in order for it to be processed by the tax officer AND it has never ever happened before. so in the end, it's still pending,,

But I am determined that it has to be registered tomorrow. yea it has to be,,,we got the Power of Attorney as a backup to argue on the matter.

zZZzzz

2009-07-10T18:26:00.003+10:00

oh No, I am so sleepy out of sudden,,
oh No, it's bad because I am still at work,,
probably it is because of the medicine that I took after lunch
or is it because I ate too much for lunch today,,
oh No, what am I gonna do???
I have no idea,,probably I'll try my best to read book a little bit louder than usual,,
I need to stay UP and fully SOBER,,
help help help,,

Friday

2009-07-10T12:06:00.005+10:00

do u want to know why do i choose the title of today's entry "friday"??,,,
i choose friday because today is friday
and tomorrow I am OFF, that's the beauty of it,,,
not that i dont like to work, I am absolutely happy to be at work,,
it is just i wanted to have more time to sleep and read on my own pleasure,,,

oh ya, I almost overslept, thank God, Iras called to wake me up. thanks brother,,,
I am pursuing His promise from Proverb 9:10 right now (the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the Almighty is an understanding),,,yeaaaaaa I AM STRIVING for wisdom,,,i have faith i will have it in due time as i obey and hold onto His words,,,

erhm, what am i doing in the middle of working hours??well well, i have done my task (it was the leftover from yesterday's work) which was to draft legal due diligence of company. and i still have more work to come...can't wait to be busy. seriously i don't like to just sit down in the office doing nothing productive *beside reading books on investment matters and corporate law which are the food of the firm that I am working right now,,,

that will be the end of my entry today,,wish you all the best wherever you are and in whatever you do for today ya,,,

Kabar Gembira

2009-07-09T11:05:00.002+10:00

Selamat Pagi Indonesia dan Slamat Pagi Smua_a,,,
ada kabar gembira lho *tapi hanya bagi pendukung_a saja,,"perolehan hasil pilpres sementara menunjukan bahwa SBY berada ditingkat yang paling atas diantara 2 anggota pilpres lain_a,,yuhuuuuu eliz seneng banget,,,temen" ikut seneng g??

oh iya, pagi ini eliz cuma mau bagi berkat" buat temen" sekalian,, mau g terima berkat_a,,mau donk ya,,siapa sich yang g mau terima berkat,,ya g?? berkatnya dari Amsal 7:4 : "katakanlah kepada hikmat, engkaulah saudaraku,, dan kepada pengertian, engkaulah sanakku"..indah khan,,,pasti_a kita smua mau beroleh hikmat dan pengertian khan?? nah kalo gitu, Firman Tuhan yang tadi adalah kata kunci_a,,plus diperhatiin juga ya apa apa saja yang dituliskan dalam kitab amsal (cari tau apa yang menjadi kesukaan dariapada si hikmat),,,okie temen",,

ya dh dulu ya, sampai disini dulu entry eliz hari ini,,Tuhan Yesus Memberkati

;)

Finally

2009-07-07T20:29:00.003+10:00

*took a darn deep breath
Finally I could have 6 hours of sleep yesterday and still in hope that I would have it also today
Finally I ate rice (proper lunch) today
Finally I have 3 choices of bus that I can take from Senen Market to Karawaci, Tangerang, HUH
Finally I could reach home by 9pm yesterday and still hoping it will be the same for today
Finally I could work with a peace of mind
Finally I made a very important choice in mylife,,

Finally I can end this entry for today

A new strength

2009-07-07T10:59:00.004+10:00

well well well, i was not feeling well yesterday after gone back from office. my entire body was aching. most probably it was because the flu and cough that i get caught up from travelling medan-jakarta and jakarta medan in just within 2 days 1 night. plus the ice cream that i ate when it was raining and the shoes that i wore in which i felt my fingers were being squeezed. arghhh.

but today is different, i am feeling better not just physically but also spiritually. He takes me one step at the time to be someone that He wanted me to be. but it takes willingness on my part to obey His voice and cast all rubbish that drives me astray from the vision He had shown me. to sum up, i just wanna say declare the words that has encouraged me which is "His voice is in the storm and He is in the storm". so I dont want to worry for He is there in every storm of my life.

Monday

2009-07-06T11:11:00.004+10:00

just dropped by to say hi to all of you. it has been quite all these while and honestly i miss those times where i could sit neatly and relax with a cup of tea at the side of my desk and write an entry at the same time. but i won't feel disspointed because of the limited time that i have to write an entry. so i shall begin Now..

the past few days were great and it is remained awesome till today. i have God and people around me every second of mylife. it is evident before me that God has never ever leave me nor forsake me. lately He reminds me of His promise that He is there, in the storm of my life, no matter it is a small wave or tremendous wave. just this morning my friend, Iras encouraged me too through the word of God that emphasised that 'we need to be watchful and violence towards the plunders that wanted to destroy our vine yard that is blooming right now.'

terrific right :),,, haha i have no further words to say. therefore i shall stop here. wish all the best and a blessed day ahead.

SEMAGAT,,,,,

Random

2009-06-02T17:20:00.002+10:00

OMG I am so sleepy. sleepy sleepy sleepy.
it's time to take a nap...

My ever Cells

2009-05-28T18:54:00.006+10:00

My first cell was KDC and I thought in my heart that I would never have such a cell in my life again. I was limiting God to place me with people that He intends to bless me. I was being prayed by pastor Julie when I attended my last service in GT. It is still recorded in my mind so clearly that she prayed so that there would be people as my covering shield to walk along with me.

guess what i am so blessed in my new cell just as i was blessed when i was in KDC. i thank God for it. When I was about to fall, He strengthens me with His words, and when my world has been so busy/noisy and caused me to be unable to hear God's voice, he speaks through my cell members and even pastors. so awesome.

all i am saying is that the blessing that God has given me through KDC continues to pour out even when i am in Medan, Indonesia. there's one scripture that is very encouraging which is 'when we wholeheartedly seek for His face, he comes like a sunset and pours out like a rain that flows in the end of the season.' and yes He is faithful to His words and it has been evidenced in my life.

I love you Lord and I love you Iras, Josephine, Dame, Tio, Morrys, Scere, Sista Nina.

Semangat terus ya temen temenqu yang ku kasihi...

thumbs up for Jesus and you all

how should we fight

2009-05-28T17:28:00.002+10:00

hey ya...

I am really content with the life that I have right now. even though life is exceedingly and constantly challenging, I always tried to keep the joy of the Lord in my heart. This joy does not come from my own ability to try to reach out to God. But through the power of His words that enable me to talk back to the devil in order to defeat him with the truth in which he won't be able to stand. this was and is still the weapon that i used to fight, 2 Corinthians 10:3-5.

the weapons that this scriptures is talking about are the blood, His name and His words. His blood reminds me of the reason why He died for me, which is to set me free from all kinds of bondage that make me go astray from Him and to inherent His promises. His blood and His resurrection have defeated our deadly punishment. if you ponder this life and you think that your life has been so devastating either by sickness, stress, financial attack, family matters or whatever it is, the only line that you have not been walking in the words of the truth. a path that leads you to death. well we all will die one day. but the question is whether we have received God's promises while we live on earth (Jeremiah 29:11---a prosperous life, a hope and a better future). this promises are meant to be given to us when we are living on earth and not on heaven because on heaven we will definitely inherent all that we could or could not even imagine.

as for His words, it scans all kinds of deceit that the devil tells me. Have you wondered how to stand on your faith when it is so evidenced before you eyes? the devil says, here i can show you sickness, your failure, your inabilities, your hurts,,,Now show me your evidence?? what are we gonna do in this situation. are we going to accept and swallow that just like that?? No we SHOULDN'T do that. fight and talk back to the devil of God's promises into our life. as for the sickness, say by the stripes of Jesus, we are healed. as for the failure, talk back to the devil that God promises you a good future and prosperous life. fire the devil until he flew from you and you get peace in your heart.

as for His name, it is written that the name of the Lord is a great fortress and whoever runs to it will be safe.

so in summary, in order to fight a good fight of faith, we need to feed our spirit with the word of God. DON'T go silent, talk back to the devil and he shall flee from you. Jesus also talked back to the devil when he was tempted while he was fasting for 40 days. as we all know, the devil flew.

my lovely brothers and sisters, do fight ya. defeat the darn ugly devil and do not be deceived by His deceitful sayings. OKIE. Good, that's my brothers and sisters..

YC 016

2009-04-08T15:39:00.004+10:00

first of all, i just wanna wanna welcome all my friends who do read this blog. this blog is officially opened once again. hopefully you will enjoy the reading ya.

most probably you do not know that I have been in the cell group in Medan. how extraordinary and exciting at first because huh i had never had a cell group before ever since i was in medan few years back. previously i had to sneak to go for gathering or prayer meeting or the best timing was always be friday afternoon (after school). and now the situation is different, i do not need to sneak in order to go for a cell group. God has given a favour in my parents' sight. horay...i have been given a key of freedom.

this cell is quite unique not only because i'm one of the older members but also how God speaks to me and them wonderfully. not until yesterday, i was being waking up by God in such a way that touched me because i did not realise it until i got back home from cell. meeting after meeting, i have something to share with them. but before i share, i always remind myself and pray that the words that are coming out of my mouth not be of me but of God. i'll stop for a moment when i sense somehow that the words are not from God. how do i know it? well, there is a pressure inside me like 'start thinking whether im saying is correct and i lose track of what im saying' and i have no peace about what im saying as well (i learn the last point from the biblical teaching of Joyce Meyer). but when it is of God, peace rests in my heart.

yesterday, they wanted to hear me sharing as well but i did not. not because i did not want. rather i reckon God did not want me to share on that day. Guess what, God wants me to see the condition of individual heart and the entire cell. they are hungry to hear the word of God, they wanna go more intimately with Him. this reflects clearly from their responds when i said that i had nothing to share. they said 'please don't keep to yourself but share with us. surely you have lots to share with us'. I WANNA GO MORE HUNGRY TOO LORD.

beside the cell issues, i wanna delevop a positive attitude over a new challenge before me. it's just about the postgraduate program that i intended to do. what i have in my hands right now SUGGESTs that it is impossible. but i swiftly change my attitude because im not living by what i see but by what i believe in. God will open the door for me to enter to the university that He wants to me have an influence to bring His name high. all the opposition either from people or my own flesh or thought of impossibility are just weeds that i need to pull out of my ways.

positive mindset and attitude restore the strength and peace that that God has given me.

Msia

2009-02-23T16:28:00.003+11:00

I love this book so much and I certainly cannot afford to lose it. The path of life that I have spent with you all has been great. You watched me growing, stood by my side when things were not going the way I wanted it to be, and encouraged me when I was down, smiled and laughed with me. I never even dreamt and imagined that I could be here in Malaysia and be blessed so abundantly in the fellowship with God and you all. I love Malaysia and if I am being given an opportunity to settle down in Malaysia, I would be very keen to take it. Even though many people are saying bad things about Malaysia and complaining about how unjust and corrupted Msia is, I still love Malaysia. No one can change my mind. The reason being is that I grew here, I encounter God here (God becoming more real and I know how it means to have my faith set on Him; and I know how painful it is to watch people living their life without knowing Christ; and I know the feeling of winning one soul to Christ; and I know that His words are the powerful weapon that I can use to win the battlefield that I was and am in right now, etc).

Sighed, I am leaving soon. I am going to Indonesia. Not that I don’t like Indonesia, but there is something I fear of when I am at home. I wanted to spill it out here but I choose not to because it seems to suggest that I agree and am confirming that it’s gonna take placed (it’s like giving a way to the devil to set a stronghold on me). Instead of staying in fear and anxiety, I choose to swift my mind to God’s promises. He promised me and I know He’s going to carry it out.

Anyway, even though I will not be able to spend my time with you all as I used to be, you remain in my heart forever. The chapter of my life is just begun. My battlefield is going to be harder but it is not going to discourage me in one way or another. I know it is hard but it does not mean I should give up. If God never ever thought to give up on me, why should I give up? Right? Through Him, I can do all things.

So guys, YOU DO MEAN A LOT TO ME. I DO love you all with all my heart. you have left your footprints in my heart. I don’t have anything to offer but my friendship and a prayer that we all grow in our faith and persevere though the journey is tough.

I don’t want to say goodbye because I know we will meet one day. So I should say ‘cya soon okie’

battlefield

2009-02-23T03:21:00.003+11:00

I really wish i can talk to someone freely without hiding anything.
and being truthful in spilling out this battlefield of mine.
someone that i can be accountable to.
i hate the way i am right now.
being someone that i hate the most in my life.
being someone that i really wish will never exist.

but God is awesome
He never ever leave me
He left me His promise that really encouraged me
"we are hard-pressed on every side
but not crushed. perplexed but not destroyed"
i still have a long way to go
i choose not to be discouraged by the situation where i am in rite now
because i know i'll be renewed each day to be a person he formed me to be
but i still need that someone, just to be accountable to
i pray that God will place someone for me

=(

2009-02-16T01:53:00.003+11:00

so sad and dissappointed. sighed.

btw, i missed hobart, OCF, its weather, foods, scenaries, bays, beaches, its ugly looking trees, boats, and in particular i miss alice, jason wong, shaun, travis, terence, yingqi, etc..sighed

L-O-V-E

2009-02-09T09:32:00.003+11:00

have you ever wondered why God's love is different from ours? beside the fact that He is God, there is something unique that makes God's love is so unconditional. it is written in 1 John 4:18 that "there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love". surprised about it? you may or may not surprise to find that very essential piece of facts, but i tell you, i am surprised.

the reason being is " it is revealed that God never fears to give His life for us even though He certainly knew that because of our human nature we would fail Him or reject or hurt Him in any way." Instead, He was bold to go to the cross to be nailed for our sins so that His love can be made perfect and we could live through him and through his love (1 John 4:9).

do u wonder what it means "so we could live through Him?" as a flesh, we are weak and tend to sin and our love (to one another and to God) is a conditional one. unlike our love, God's love is unconditional and has already made perfect because He does not fear to love us in the first place despite very fact that i have stated in the foregoing paragraph. and He commands us to love one another so that he lives in us and we in Him. note that the verse 11 is a compulsory. it does not give us a choice either to love or hate or be neutral. it rather commands us that 'we ought to love one another." and as we are flesh, we'll in one way or another fail to do it if we are relying on our strength. so basically it comes back to the basic, get our first love to God be refreshed everyday and everytime. if that first love keeps refreshed within us, we will surely capable of loving one another and also to do all things that God has assigned us to do. In short, that verse tells us that God is the only and one role model that we should follow because he has overcame the world (everything you could possibly or impossibly think of).

so if we love one another, God's love makes complete in us. why? God is love and if we love one another, God lives in us and therefore we can be called love (we become more and more like God - God is love..) as well because we are the forms of God's love. we become hungry to do what God loves to do which is all about reaching out, caring for the needy, laying down your life for those you want to win for Christ, etc...i bet you know i mean.

awesome, i learn alot today. how about you? wanna share some with me? i'd be very keen to hear from you my dear friends.

may God touch your life everyday and may you find Joy in His presence. with lots of love, hugs and kisses i end this entry

5 of them

2009-02-04T02:30:00.012+11:00

I'm proud to say that i have 5 brothers and sisters and even proud to say that I'm the first born. i can easily whack them.haha just joking. it is rather a big responsibility because i have to be a role model for them which is not easy i should say. but sadly to say sometimes they don't listen to me. instead they bullied me. all over my body can have lots of bruises because they played so rough. sighed. but when i'm seriously angry, they don't dare to talk back to me. that's good because they show respect to me.

this one is rather hard to deal with but i manage to deal with him somehow. one fact that makes me frustrating sometimes is that people always mistaken that he's the first born and Not me. btw he's looking good in this pic but i'll show you his real face (well it was long time ago. a time where he was still stranded in msia). his name is christian and we call him Ian.

ahh this is his real face..the naughty face. can u see the pierce?...i wonder whether he's still used it when he's off duty. i haven't met him for a year already. and when ronal tobing and He met, gosh, it was really a nightmare for me. i cannot handle them. but i missed that moment so much

Now I'm really proud of him. he finally made it through. he's being placed in some remote place which i don't know where. he told me last time but i forgot because, at least to my knowledge, i have no idea that that place has ever existed. my mom has to shut me down because i kept laughing about it. anyway hopefully it can be a lesson for him.

that's my sister adrianica katherine cuddling on the bed. i like her name so much. her name is a combination of my dad', mom', 2nd brother's and my name. very unique. and she's tough. don't ever whack her, you are the one who will feel the pain.

that's my brother daniel and michael when they were still small. these two cannot meet because they will fight but when they don't meet for a day, they will start looking for each other. funny.

michael and agnes. this little girl talks alot and asks lots of questions which often time drives me crazy. one thing to stop her is to get her playing with me or scare her with ghost story. even though she likes watching ghost story, she's still scared hearing ghost story.

i heart them. i miss them so much.

New Recipe

2009-02-01T21:34:00.007+11:00

Meatballs : Cumin, Oregano seeds, chilli, salt, oregano, rosemary, pepper, bread crumbs, egg. mix well all the ingredients with the meat into balls.

Tomato sauce : canned or fresh tomatoes, onions, basil, salt, pepper and a dash of sugar.

Cooking instructions :
1. fry the meatballs until the colour turns a little bit brownies
2. put the sauce into dish and put the fried meatballs inside
3. put mozzarella cheese or parmesan and bake them
4. wait until the cheese is melting and put onto the pasta
5. ready to be served.
6, very yummy

please don't be deceived by its look or presentation. it was too smoky when i took the pics. it was actually well presented and the meatballs...ah..im speechless. it was such scrumptious meatballs. it has its special aroma and taste.

btw, it was not my recipe. it was shaun's recipe. he's a good cook and he's also very funny. greeting me with japanese's greeting but presenting me with the italian food.

want some? P P P

sighed

2009-01-31T00:45:00.003+11:00

aq merasa pingin menyerah aja...menghindar sebisa mungkin dan kalo bisapun menghilang.
that's all i've got to say.

Leisure

2009-01-17T03:54:00.003+11:00

Going shopping, travelling, watching movies..forget about it. It is not the leisure I’m currently engaging in. This is also not something that I planned. Rather it is just happened on impulse. Lying on the couch with a book in my hand and music played on the ipod that I’m so into these few days. With a clear tone I say no to friends who asked me ‘aren’t u bored to stay at home for the whole day’? yea at least not this time. haha it is rather weird because I hardly stay up late just to read novel or story book, yea except for harry potter that dragged me till really late at night (not the whole series of harry potter, just one of them).

At first I was glancing idly through the book and it excited me as it exposed the loopholes in law and also the fascinating expose of the ways in which law is just a black and white sets of rules and principles that the judiciary and lawyers are not lived up to sometimes. Or perhaps it is just the way I interpreted it. Often time movies or novels involving the courtlike scenario are too far from what the reality is, yea too far from I have learned at Law school. The series on‘girl, sex and money’ for example, how could a state prosecutor prosecuted a defendant where she’s having sexual relationship with a defendant’s brother? Another annoying example of an American show where the prosecutor and the defence lawyer have a relationship and proceed to prosecuting the defendant without disclosing their relationship to the bench and withdrawn themselves from the case. Where is the fiat justitias (let justice be done)? That’s a rather obvious example of bias and the defendant has been denied a fair trial. Another lie is where those shouting and foul language fill the court’s atmosphere. It is rather a solemn presentation of case, you can even hear the fly flies If I need to say it to give you a clear imagination how the real court system like.

The book that I’m reading is different from usual book involving the court-like system maybe because the author is a Botswana’s first High Court judge. Although, at the beginning I suspected it to be the same as normal book, I was wrong. In the end of the story, it explained why the Judge did not withdraw himself in the first place while hearing the case of his granddaughter who has been raped by a maniac man. It turns up that he did not know that she was his granddaughter. And yea in the end, the case was not heard in his court and this secret has not been revealed to the public.

The novel makes my mood swings ups and downs. It’s all about rape and abuse cases. I like the character that the prosecutor played. She’s very fierce not only the opponents but to the judges whom to her mind do not live according to the spirit of law.

Sighed...I finished reading the novel already. Then what to read next? Romance novel. No way. I’m not fond to reading those. They make me fall asleep.

That’s my leisure for these few days.

Plans

2009-01-15T18:57:00.007+11:00

Unlike me, my dad has lots of plans for me. do your postgrad-diploma this month to this month and next you do your master from this year to this year and then you work for 1 year and after that you do your Phd. he even suggested me working not in Indonesia but other countries. i could only say WOW, that's really a great plan.

in the midst of the conversation, I asked him a question, yea jokingly, when do i get married? without pause, he asked me back, do u have one already and who's that guy?. I just laughed and he continued saying 'well you can get married after you work'. oh gosh, my dad even planned at what age i get married. i cannot believe what i heard. I just hope he won't plan to get me a husband. I'll definitely run away if he does that.

anyway, after all it was a great conversation and plan and i personally astounded by that. as the bible says men can plan but God will decide. I just wait for God to direct me as to what i should do.

i cannot stop smiling...and dad, you are so funny

My Hero Mummy

2009-01-15T14:32:00.004+11:00

I miss my mom terribly. Wondering what she is doing right now. I guess something productive. Lol. My Mom is my world to me. She’s the one that I called when I was stressing out about studies even though sometimes she scolded me because she could not catch up what I was saying as I cried when I talked. My dad, well, he responded differently when I called and cried about studies. He laughed and made fun of me. He would say ‘masa anak bapak nangis gara-gara kuliah’. In that sense, he made me stopped crying. Oh ya, Alex also responded differently as well. He laughed and at the same time he asked me whether I wanted to watch movie or eat out. That was happened on my first semester.

What did I just say? I supposed to share about my mom. Okie now come back to that. My mom I would say ‘like to keep things to herself’. If she feels sad, she wouldn’t show it, but I know. She just does not want to make us worried. She is also strong in the sense that if I’m in her position, I certainly don’t know whether I can do what she has done in the past.

She’s also cheerful one and very funny. She can make her colleagues laughed, you know a belly laugh. I often go to her office, that’s why I know. She also makes me laugh.

My mom is also a very good cook. If I’m going back, I dont wanna eat out because I wanna eat my mom’s cooking. She feeds me like a baby if I’m home. My aunt Nella is a very good cook too. I often watch them cooking so that I can get their recipes. When it comes to cooking it is always different to read the recipe book and cook them according to the instruction than watch the chef cooking and practice them yourself. I prefer the latter.

My mom is also a control freak when it comes to cleanliness. Oh gosh, but I get used to it already and at the same time I have been trained to be tidy and clean. Well, it was not my mom who trained me how to take care about the house. Rather it was my grandmother. I used to stay at my grandmother’s place which is far away from Medan, for 4 years. I was being nagged by my grandmother for my own good (because I did not know how to do house cleaning, not even how to wash plates). Now I miss those nagging and my grandmother’s house. I like to be in my grandmother’s place because I could go to the wheat field (not my grandma’s but family member’s), pick fruits by myself, walk early in the morning to ‘permandian air panas (natural one), and had a horseride from the wet market with grandma (which I never had in Medan and Msia).

My mom has a 6 sense too. You know, when your mom said ‘don’t ride a motorcycle’, you just have to obey otherwise sometimes things will go wrong. That always happened to me and my brothers. When I disobeyed her, I got into accidents. ouch, painful.

My mom is also an example for me to go stronger in my faith to God. Before I came to Msia, we always had our devotion together at 5am. That was a wonderful time. She always keeps her children in her prayers and gently guide us to God.

That’s all about my mom from now
Thanks Mummy
Love you so much

Simplicity

2009-01-09T12:31:00.003+11:00

is life complicated? or is that I that make it complicated? it has been bestowed upon me an authority as to whether i choose to make it complicated or simple. i wonder why i chose the complicated way of life. and now im absolutely tired of living in that way.

even Jesus asks us to live in simplicity and why am i so stubborn? huh, Now i choose to live as simple as what has been written in matthew 7:7 'ask and it will be given to you; seek for you will find it; and knock and the door will be opened to you'. I also choose not to care about other things that bother me along the way as i stand upon His word. I need to speak with an authority that it is mine. I feel tired of thinking and being bothered by pressures.

I was just pondering upon the words that my fellow friend asked me. he just asked me these 2 questions 'have you tried knocking at the doors?' and 'do you choose to be affected by the circumstances or you choose to manage it?'. I keep the answers to myself. but right now, i wanna take heed and live according to that message from the book of matthew.

live in simplicity is the thing that i need to exercise and pray for.

Frailty

2009-01-07T03:25:00.003+11:00

ah my eyes are dried and painful. my lower back and legs are also pain. I feel tired so easily. what's wrong with me. i wonder why i get sick so easy and often here in australia. is it the weather or my antibody has gone to 0,01% again? i had had the boosters for 3 times 2 years ago and my last booster will be in 2010. then what is it? i feel tired seeing a doctor already.

i dont like taking medication and i prefer to go natural. i think i should change my dietary intakes and set my sleeping time framing. any suggestion for the foods?

A Thought Before I Sleep

2009-01-07T01:39:00.004+11:00

a sudden whim of being alone passes my thought. there is no explanation whatsoever.i just wanna be alone and stop doing what i normally do (something that dragged me from what i really was). my morning was spent writing my thought on my other entry that no one could read but me. i felt a sense of relief there.

i'm thankful that step by step my daddy help me to go through this and deliver me from the place where i was to the place that he heads me to. i understand that there is no such a thing as an overnight 360 degree change. it could be a shocking and temporarily one if such a thing happened. this year, he reminds me through a friend of mine that i need to overcome the fear that overwhelmed me. this fear gives me lots of pressure. i would not say that i call myself stupid for the first time but i hardly say it because there is a power on words that are coming out of our mouth. i called myself stupid because daddy has given me lots of solid proof that he will keep delivering me but yet i still feared. isn't it stupid? how much more i need for daddy to show that he's always by my side and will direct me and that he has a wonderful plan for me and for that reason i should not fear? i also wonder why. but i'm not worried because i certainly know that i'll get the answer later as i ask and seek him.

at this time being, i just need direction because i see no doors opened and i have no idea where to go and what to do. even though im in this kind of situation, i wanna learn not to fear but to trust him because only by and through faith alone daddy can act.

i end this by encouraging myself that 'even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for daddy is with me and his rod and his stuff they comfort me (Psalm 23:4)'

the 'T'

2009-01-05T00:36:00.002+11:00

i'm scared as the day passes by
T____________________T

"2009"

2009-01-01T21:15:00.002+11:00

In tiredness, the thought of having my own quite time came to mind. Just me, I and ika that I wanted for New Year Eve. But it had never happened. Rather it only happened after 3am. Although my quite time was rather late, I was glad that finally I could make it. I have lots of things in my mind. I was not feeling discouraged by what I found and heard (not absolutely, only slightly). It became my focus in the year of 2009. Cheering up the loved one when I felt the most broken was something that God has distracted me away from focusing on the problems. The loved one needed courage and supports to stand by and to tell her that I love her so much. I’d do anything for her. But I made a big mistake. I was really really angry and disappointed at my brother. In anger I poured out what came to mind. It should not be that way and I’m so sorry for that. I took a deep breath trying to cool down. I could only pray that God will open up your heart to truly see what’s going on.

Anyway, this New Year was my second best new year ever in my life. Last year was the year where God tested my faith. It was truly true that even though the suffering was last throughout the night (and at the same time I felt hopeless), His joy came in the morning. It’s like God gave me a reward for waiting patiently for him to act on time. A big smile was put on my face. :D :D :D

This New Year is the year of freedom, I can decide where I wanted to spare my New Year Eve and do whatever I wanted to do without someone telling me what to do and where to go.lol, this is only a temporary feeling. The truth is this year is a year of faith. There are lots of things that if I see with my own bare eyes are impossible to get them restored and transformed. What God has been telling me these days is to acknowledge Him, His Power and anything that He can do through me as I have my faith set on Him. Basically, it is to take shelter at His words and faithfulness. Oh no, I didn’t realize that God has repeatedly told me this until I flashed back on His words that I have read. Okie, I got it Now.

To sum up, I say I enter the year of 2009 with faith. Everything is gonna be alright.

The Count Down

2009-01-01T21:13:00.001+11:00

These days till the day of New Year Eve, I had a very hectic and tiring day. I moved out from my previous cosy house to Janice’s place which is also cosy (it’s clean that’s why it’s cosy). Cheeming has been helping me to move my stuffs but yet I still have to carry things on my own, washed the carpet, and cleaned the whole house on my own too. I reckon, if I continued doing it JUST for another 1 day, I think I’d collapse.

Despite the fact that I was tired and could not make it for dinner on cheeming’s b’day, my New Year eve was awesome. I went over to their house right after they finished dinner. I was served with cheese cake and cherries and their laughter at the mah-jong table. Kinda of understand how to play it...the real mah-jong not the computer one...lol.

Teng teng it’s 11.22, everybody was rushing to get to the waterfront to see the fireworks. Sparks...sparks...sparks of the fireworks were not only splashed in one shape. Rather, they came in different shapes like flowers, falling stars, flowers and many more. It was extraordinarily beautiful. I was astounded at its beauty. It was also the day where the summer was felt like a winter. It was freaking cold!!!!! Thank goodness Yoong Sing lent me his overcoat.
I felt exciting to let people who are living in the different continents know that it’s already 2009 here in Hobart. It feels like Doraemon.lol...anyway it’s incredible awesome.

So, how’s yours?

Unforgettable Xmas in Hobart

2008-12-23T17:24:00.012+11:00

everybody was enjoying their steaks

*fake bloody steak.lol. that's jun tae's. it's a bbq sauce, Not blood. i reckon u can see it clearly

that's Yoong sing's. he ordered a medium rare as well. but for me it looked like it's well down

this was MINE. my bloody steak. can u see the river of the blood at the side?that's medium rare. yoong sing and I would love to try the raw one...*there is a question mark there

cheeming was the one who eat salmon steak.lol. it looked lovely and delicious but too dry.nevermind, what important is he likes it. btw he is not a meatlover. he likes seafood instead.

Rebecca almost went crazy because we sang the song playfully.it was absolutely fun

that's santa (jason wong). adjusting the tummy

jun tae with his violin. he played it since he was young but somehow he didn't practice it.

can you see the money? as if he's a beggar. lol. rebecca took it from jun tae's wallet. so basically it belongs to him.

Xmas is invariably red, green and white and these were our dress code yesterday. Firstly, we had dinner in the best steak restaurant at Salamanca. To my surprise, many people liked a BLOODY STEAK (medium rare) and I had the best bloody one, yea according to Yoong Sing. lol, i think it symbolises the red for Xmas. We had 3 champions in the house and there were Li Yin, Adrew Wong and Yoong Sing. They can really eat man. But that’s alright as long as they are growing, lol.

After dinner, we’re heading to Margaret’s St and had our party continued there. We sang the Xmas songs seriously and at the same playfully as well and for most of the time, we were out of tune. Really really funny. We also played ‘Taboo’. And here it came the moment that everyone waited for so long, ‘boxing session’ or ‘exchanged gift’. The gifts were wrapped beautifully and numbered and each of us had had to pick one of the papers from a basket and it would be our present. The so called Santa Claus (it’s Jason Wong) read up the number and whoever had that number stepped forward to get it from Santa and we had pic with Santa.
That’s my first and the best and the unforgettable Xmas in Hobart. I reckon we all had a blast yesterday.

lovely :)

Let's Explore Tassie

2008-12-22T14:33:00.067+11:00

I cannot explain the journey with words because for me it was and is still indescribable. So without further a due, now I walk you through the journey.

that zhi zhang - driver for the day - we were about to move from the ship that took us through from the main land to our destination, bruny island.

this is siew kim, zhi zhang's gf.

that's michelle, Li Yin and I

we were on the ship enjoying the view

she' s looking at the map trying to find out places that we were heading to later when we got down from the ship

we were out already. now let's hunt bruny. bruny has lots of beaches and beautiful scenaries. i reckon the maj of people are living by fishing

so freshhhhhh. that's only $10 for 12 pieces. you wouldn't get that price for such a fresh seafood.i want more

cheese factory. zhi zhang bought some because he likes cheese, yea good cheese. Me? im not fond of cheese.

michelle and I at the Cheese factory as you can see

that's the first beach that we found in bruny. at first we were curious what was the green thing on the left hand side. as we went closer and closer, we figured it out that it is a beach. we also thought that the beach must be very dirty because the colour is a bit gross, green colour???? but as you scroll down, you'd be amazed. check it out

see the colour...isn't it gross?

lol.he looks like the telletubbies, the 'po' (red colour)

michelle and Li Yin

siew kim and I. the view is more beautiful from the top. what are you waiting for, let's go up.

do you see the colour? the beach has 3 colours.

the view from the top

isn't it beautiful?

wowww *open mouth

even michelle enjoyed the view. for the first time she didn't feel cold in an opened place such as like this.

chocolate fudge. guess what it is a choc factory. we were a bit dissappointed because we imagined something big, a real factory. saddddd

that's the strawberry's farm

Michelle and siew kim were hunting for the strawberry

i hunt for the dog. so cute. they buy the fruit, i buy the dog..lol..no la

enjoying the globe in front of me. where's the globe?

here's the globe

we stayed over night in bruny island. the place is a bit expensive but it's worthy because the place is darn good. we had 6 beds, kitchen, bathroom and we can do BBQ as well. we even had a very nice neighbour..he gave us 5 fish fillets for dinner (he caught the fish). awesome

zhi zhang' and siew kim's bedroom

that's Li Yin's. she and michelle get scared to sleep at the top.

that's mine. like sleeping in the attic. i didnt fell anyway.

another beach.

changed driver

that's the beach that i was referring to earlier

i like this

i have no idea what zhi zhang was taking. looks so crappy. anyway this was taken when we were looking for pigeon. do you see any pigeon there? i didnt see any.

do you know that pigeons' eyes are very sensitive to a light/bright light? they will go blind if you snap their pic with a flash. poor thing. yea i took this with a flash because there was no way that i could take their pic without flash. it's very dark down there. the only time you could see the pigeon was 9.30pm. so sorry. i hope they won't go blind.

anak hilang.lol

we met santa claus on the road

5 of us got lost. we coud not find the way out. we went round and round the same spot (the mud)yea i screamed for help but no one heard (not that loud of course). in the end, siew kim had to climb the maze to find out where we were. very funny. we were caught for half an hour just for 2 mazes. argh

guess what we did not read the sign. argh. so DON'T EVER IGNORE A SIGN. it makes your life easier.

i found this as i walked the maze

that's the maze. disappointed.

that's michelle in front of me

desperate to find out the way out. in the end we were all scattered

that's a remakable richmond bridge

that's how tasmanian live last time

the gaol

i walked the hobart streets thoroughly in half an hour. awesome. the streets are the streets that i often walk through

Old collins St

this is how collins looks like right now

that's an old elizabeth st

this is Now

olden court house

this is how it is now

do you enjoy the tour? there are many more pic, but im kinda of lazy to post them all. we are all tired after the trip but it's worthy.

Travis's Farewell

2008-12-22T14:07:00.003+11:00

My last day with my adversary, Travis.lol.no la. he's a nice person but it is he is just so naughty. we always fight except for his last day in aussie. first of all, thank you for your support and prayers ya. i really appreciate those. this pic was taken when he sent me for my last paper. thank goodness, at least i dont have to feel the cold in the morning. so saddddd that you are leaving. I'm gonna miss you so much. but i know he'll be alright in Hongkong. Miss you alot. take a good care ya and keep in touch

Borderline-Crossover

2008-12-15T16:42:00.004+11:00

there are times of trial and there are times of joy and laughter

there are times of gathering and there are times of leaving as well

these reflect that we neither can hold the time nor push it back-and-forth

the beginning of the year bloom with a blithe. felt happy seeing the loved one arrived safely

slowly it stirred as we laboured ourselves to achieve the goal

but never forget to check how's everyone doing

now it's over but not to the point that this is the end of everything

rather this is the end of the first chapter of life

a new chapter is about to be flipped and we are heading there with an opened heart

and the future will unfold its secrecy as we walk diligently

surely they will be more suprises and temptations ahead

but be strong for God is on our side

put on His armors of salvation and love so that you will live

a little bit more, this chapter is going to end

and 'chapter 2' here we come

A Baptism

2008-12-14T13:30:00.011+11:00

today, i didn't go to energizer life church. i went to a catholic church instead. anyway it does not matter which church you are going to, what matters most is whether you open your heart so that God can speak through you. as usual, God spoke. as this's my 1st time going to catholic church in tassie, so i dont know the tradition. honestly i get lost. but whilst praying and kneeling, i could feel God begins to fill my heart. it was so great and as i meant words that i heard and said, God is like going deeply into my heart. he is like digging my heart, trying to go deep and deep so that he can forever be there. thank you my dear Lord.

it's actually my housemate's, carolyn,baptism, Not mine. great that she could make the decision finally because last time she used to tell me that she's in doubt about things. she actually wanted to do it but there's something that she did not understand and she wanted an answer for it. well, there are many things that we dont understand and but i think when it comes to God, it is not all about understanding. it is all about having faith in Him. i know i know it is easy to say but not easy to practice. im having the same problems as well but i dont want to let these things to hold me back. the answers are all from God. ask him and he will reveal to you bit by bit. i was just reading the book of john 16, it talks about God revealing his own plans and truth to us through the Holy Spirit. it says in verse 12-16 'the holy spirit will guide you into all truth. he will not speak on its own, he only speaks what he hears and he will tell you what is yet to come. he will bring glory to me by taking what is mine and making it known to you'. that's really a great verse. so do not wait till you understand or perfect because you will never be perfect (unless and untill the day comes) and you'll miss lots of things. we undestand or not, prepare your heart, then it'll be revealed to you.

for carolyn, thanks my dear for your great company and honestly i have learn alot from you. there are hard times but thank goodness we could solve them with a cool mind. wish you with great journey in your life. may God make known of Himself to you each day of your life.

i almost cried when you left the house because im used to have you sleeping next to me. remember when you asked me to tell a bible story before we slept, it was really a great moment. not to forget about the company of prayers when things were tough (remember when i was so disturbed that night? and also the prayers before and during exams periods?). thanks mate. love to have you. will bring you in my heart always.

kids. so darn cute. i wanna have a baby. can i adopt one of you?

there's the light. the priest says 'may God keeps this light aflames in your heart so that your spirit will be burned for Him always.' beautiful, isnt it?

being blessed

she's completely wet. but that's alright

that's her families: the nanny, mom, priest (law professor in utas), carolyn and dady

Carolyn and I

we all met unexpectedly in church. stunning and pointing fingers at each other 'hey you are here? how come?' that kinda of thing. abel was so funny. he had no way to escape because the priest asked him to come. he stayed with Dr. Gail (Utas lecturer) and it was so happened they had a dinner with the priest. lol. anyway good to see him in church. and joy could not believe herself that abel and I were there. lol. in the end we had brunch at Mc Donald.

that's all of us

another piece of pics taken during baptism

that's all for today

=) ;)

What To Do

2008-12-14T00:45:00.005+11:00

what to do after this? I AM SO INDECISIVE. seriously i dont know what to do. if you ask me i want to work. but my dad wants me to do master which i dont want. i dont want i dont want to do master.

my dad asked me to settle down in aust but as i said i dont want. i dont want to be here. i explain to him why it is so hard to get a PR for my situation. i have been here less than a year. that means i have to do another at least a 1 year course. Utas does not offer master which is very weird. they are famous with their PhD programme. horay that means i cannot get the extension of visa. hold on there, my dad didn't stop there. he suggested sg for me to do MASTER again. well i can do master later after i work what? why waste time studying.

but at the same time, i scared as well. work? people say once you work, there's no fun at all. Uni life is the best. i dont know how to true it is unless i work.

if you have any idea, buzz me please. need to form a forum to solve this. lol. no la, just need someone to talk to, to get some ideas and some feedbacks...promise me that you will buzz ok. or write something on this entry

:0, =) <3 :) !!!!!!

Bliss

2008-12-13T10:01:00.003+11:00

i had a blast yesterday. yea right after a horrible CCP-civil procedure paper (3 parts/19 short Qs, 1 essay, 4 problems Qs - whack them in 2 hours). i reckon no one could finish them all in 2 hours irrespective whether or not it is an opened book exam. it is just so incredible. there was this student, he left the exam hall 1 hour before the time set. while he walked out, he smiled at me and i was thinking erhmmmmmm???. i wonder whether he FINISHED the paper OR he just GAVE UP.

i shall halt talking about that. NOW let's talk about the party. the party was actually a surprise for jason's b'day. even though yesterday was not his actual birthday, i reckon it was also an excuse for good to get everyone together after a long mute since mid-nov. the best part was when he was about to deliver a speech. guess what, no body wanted to give a way to say even a word. once he started to say something, there's always someone butt in his line. poor jason. but in the end we gave him a chance to say what he wanted to say. even though his gf, alice was not there, her cake and her heart were there in the cake itself. lol. so sweet and thoughtful. wish both of you happily ever after =))

the foods were closed to home because we made ourselves. shaun made the meat balls from the scratch, jo pang made vege-kebab, jun tae made a stir-fried korean beef, ana made turmeric chicken wings, daniel carter made apple scrambles, the rest made prawns, zee hame made steak marinated with beer and black pepper (half done - juicy - i like it - my second half done steak after the jack's place at 1-U) and i ate..lol. sorry guys i gotta catch some sleep because i didn't sleep the day before yesterday. man, i tell you, we could not finish the foods. it's alot. we still did the bbq till almost 9pm. btw the foods were healthy but then not fat free. lol.i, myself feel fat already, gotta lose weight.

after all the foods, some of us played PS, some just resting waiting for the foods to be digested i supposed and the rest was just chatting over the dinning table. they talked about how the mobilephone has become a disease for this generation. we are no longer organised things ahead in which we always did in the past. and which is true. another thing is that we become so lazy because we are no longer want to memorise the phone number.haha yea i used to remember lots of phone numbers but now i cannot remember except my parents' numbers. other than that we also cant live without it because we often store everything in our mobile. shaun is one of example. he cant live without it because he does everything with his mobile, ya blame the iphone la.

all had fun. hope we will have another one soon.

Argh

2008-12-11T16:02:00.002+11:00

ARGHH, i cannot sleep. i closed my eyes for 1 hour already but i cannot sleep.
im so so so sleepy. but i cannot sleep. why? i dont know why

So So Homesick

2008-12-10T21:25:00.010+11:00

i miss my daddy

i miss my mom too

mom, dad, i wanna fly back

NOW

daddy, I miss you screaming and calling my name when I get up really late

I miss you forcing me eating and putting the foods into my plate

I miss sitting in your car because I like your speed

I miss shopping with you because I don't need to worry about the price

Mom, I miss hearing your lame jokes

I miss waiting for you to come back home from work

I miss looking at the window to see whether you are back

when you have a night shift

I miss your cooking especially

I miss hugging you when I sleep

daniel, Ian, Michael

I miss hearing your jokes too

I miss seeing you guys fighting over remote control,

over fries and chicken wings, computer games and the car's seat

I miss nagging at you when your clothes are higgledy-piggledy in the wardrobe, yea especially when I just placed them in order

Adrianica and Agnes

I miss hearing your laughter

I miss biting your cheeks and chin and

carrying you upstairs even though you are very very heavy

I miss laughing with all of you before we go to bed

I miss wishing you good night before you sleep

and good morning when you wake up

I miss preparing the foods for you when you come back from schools

I miss, miss and miss all of you...terribly...with lots of hugs and kisses <3

Mystery

2008-12-09T04:25:00.004+11:00

it's almost 4.30 but im still not feeling sleepy yet. it is because of the power of the kopitiam white coffee. i had it for dinner yesterday.

actually i have nothing to write. well, i just feel like i have taken benzo (drugs that people used to spike their friends' drink). my mind is trying to break the mystery behinds the mystery. sound so complicated. yea it is complicated. i have been trying to draw analogy and making lots of assumption, but still the mystery stays as it is.

i gotta get over it. it's going crazy already. probably the mystery will unravel its shroud of secrecy at the beginning of next year. just wait

Kitchenware Shop or Clothing Shop

2008-12-06T23:06:00.004+11:00

where do I spare more time in the shopping mall or area? on one hand,I do like to shop for clothes or dresses and shoes and therefore I go to the shops that sell those items. on the other hand, i prefer to shop for kitchenware and anything to do with kitchen and cooking.

a fews day ago, i went to the city to get an air bag for the vacuum cleaner. after i got it, i looked the time and thought that it was too earlier to get home. walking aimlessly in this city, i found an aisle that i have never ever passed through before even though i have been walking around that area several times. i walked slowly and there it was a kitchenware shop called 'your habitat'. wonderful. i stepped in and indulge myself looking at the kitchenware for few hours. i dont get bored amazingly. the shop has all kinds of things that you need in your kitchen and has variety of designs to choose for like from the classic to the unique but colorful designs. i wanted to buy those antique looking cup and plate, but it is too fragile to bring back to Indonesia.

so, which one?? clothing shops or kitchenware shops? well, it will be depending on the occasion. if it is for formal dinner or a ball, yea i will spend more time finding dresses and a pair of shoes. but if i feel bored and need a refreshment, i will go to the kitchenware shops.

how about you??

Back to Basic

2008-12-06T16:36:00.003+11:00

a few days ago, a friend of mine gave me the verse on the book of Daniels 11:32 in which it says that 'those who know their God will do exceedingly great exploits'. i , being so overwhelmed by the circumstances, pondered upon the words and questioned 'what does it mean 'to know God'? is that about the knowledge about God? is it all that required? if it is, how much knowledge should i have?

what i mean is that i know God and his character. all great things you can possibly and impossibly think credited to Him because He's God. then why the verse seems the otherwise for me? why and why? I certainly do not blame God for what has been happening in my life. i certainly know that He is there for me. arghhh i dont understand. perhaps, this was happened because my mind, soul and spirit were clogged by the circumstances. curious to know about it, i asked my friend who gave the verse to me those questions. I will post the email that he sent me few days ago in the following:

dear fransisca,

truthfully the verse came to mind quite randomly and was the first to come to mind when i texted you. i thought about what you asked and i know how you are feeling at the moment, how the verse didn't seem to apply to you considering the circumstances and all the struggles you have been facing during this time.

i asked god what it means to know him, and he reminded me of the verse in John 14:9.

Jesus said "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? 10Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me?

Philip wanted to know who God was and wanted to see Him, and He asked Jesus to show Him the father. See, even though Jesus was in the father, and the father was in Jesus, Philip did not see this. The other disciples who believed saw the Father or God in Jesus. What they needed to do to see God was believe and have faith. When they saw Jesus through the eyes of faith, they saw God in Him.

Fransisca, for you to know your God, all you need to do is believe and have faith. Knowing God is having faith and trust in Him. We know that God is faithful, but why won't we trust Him. We know that His love for us never changes, but why do we still feel condemn or think that we haven't done enough or did something wrong and that's why He's withdrawing His love from us? His word promises us success and that he'll see us through every trial, but why do we lose hope when we go thru trials?

We need to continue keeping the faith and believe in God and what He is able to accomplish. If we keep looking at ourselves and what is humanly possible, we get scared and fear and it disables us. We start thinking I cannot I cannot and it stops us in our tracks before we even attempt to give it a go.

We know Jesus and we know his character. We just need to believe and act on it. If we say God can do all things, but if we doubt and fear, even if that is His promise, God cannot act on His word without faith. Remember that we are saved by grace, through faith, not by works. See, you need to understand that all God's promises for His people, the requirements were if we were Holy and righteous. But the requirement for His promise of salvation and all the blessings in the bible is accomplished through faith in Jesus Christ. If we lose our faith in Him, nothing can be done. God cannot go back on His word or His requirements. As long as we do not doubt in Him and do what we need to do, he will see us through. He must.

And this is perfect. If you continue reading the context in John 14:12 onwards, jesus continues...

I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. 14You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

This is back to the verse in Daniel, if you know your God, you will do exceedingly great exploits. If you have faith in God, you will be successful in your undertakings. There is no limit to what God can do thru your faith in Him because our God is infinite. Believe in Him, Fransisca, pray till you are at peace... I urge you to pray out loud and declare His word over your life. Thank Him for His faithfulness in your life. Thank Him for all the times he's seen you through. Acknowledge that He has not abandoned you. Tell him how you're feeling and be honest and cry and complain and whatever. Ask Him for strength and all your needs to be met. Lay it all out. Ask in faith. Claim it as heir of his throne like you deserve it. You are his daughter your daddy cannot withhold on His child. Declare His word over your life. That all things are possible. That you can do all things thru Christ. That your strength and confidence comes from Him. Proclaim that you will be strong and courageous because he has commanded you and also because He said that He is with you wherever you go. Acknowledge that His plans for you are perfect and that even through these trials, this is God's fail proof plan for your future. His ways are not our ways but trust that it's all gonna be alright. Acknowledge His call upon your life, that He has called you to Arise and shine for His glory is upon you. You are called for greatness. You are an overcomer. You set your goal on the prize, not being distracted by fear and past failures and emotions..Seriously, talk yourself into confidence and choose to believe and be confident than to be afraid. We waste time when we are afraid and fearful and we just can't work like that. Talk yourself till your spirit is lifted and do whatever you feel is appropriate. Praise Him worship Him sing Him and song declare.

Don't give up fransisca you can do this.

Regards,
Shaun.

believing in God isn't just saying outwardly that i believe in Him and inwardly limiting Him as to what He can accomplish through my faith in Him. the Faith that is all it takes. yea i must have forgotten about it. Now I am Back To Basic. Faith, Faith and Faith

What is on Xmas?

2008-12-06T09:52:00.004+11:00

i was checking the KDC's blog before i write this entry. knowing that everyone is having a xmas party makes me want to fly back soon. i just cannot wait even a second. argggggghh

too bad, i can only fly back on january. mom, dad, brothers and sisters, sorry, i cannot celebrate xmas and new year with all of you. but i am hoping to see you all soon and wish you the greatest and meaningful xmas and NY yea.

uhhhh it seems that i'll have my first xmas and NY oversea, yea far away from my families. upsss i should not have said that, because i have family here too. my OCF and church members. erm what should i do for xmas and NY? any ideas?? how about having a feast at my place? yea that's a good idea ah. my housemates will fly back on dec, so i will have the whole house all to myself.

get ready for xmas guys...buy your gifts, prepare your speeches, get dressed well, tune your voice, empty your stomach, bring your turkey, bring your camera and prepare your hearts for the greatest things yet to come.

xmas here we come

Dec 03rd, 2008

2008-12-04T02:10:00.005+11:00

upon waking up from my sleep, there was this thought came to my mind, 'what's the reason i wake up in the morning'. seemingly that i have no plan to face the day. i screamed from the inside 'let You be the reason i wake up in the morning'. Please dont ask me why, i'm still trying to figure it out.

keep myself busy does not seem to last long. trying to run away from the situation but i ended up drawing to be so closed. i feel so insecured, fret, and confused.

today, I checked on something that caused me to loss myself. I mean i was no longer me. so much wanted to cry but i could not because my mind was just being filled by anxiety and any possibility of dissapointment or perhaps anger.

feeling that i could not take it anymore, i decided to call shaun ewe and told him everything. I feel so much relieved because while i talked to him i could find myself, i could cry. I thank God that He has placed him in my life to just being there for me, to support me when no one does, to give me courage when i needed it the most. he always say 'don't give up girl, you can do it'...i dont know how to thank him.

today i find him very funny. He was in melbourne when i called him and after he came back from melbourne, he gave me a call because he said he wanted to pass me something. i thought it must be something really important or a book because it was already midnight. you guess what 'it was a custard pie from melbourne'..haha funny. he wanted me to taste because it was from melbourne. anyway, it was nice. it was the happy moment i have today and also the dinner with few of classmates.

things to thank God for yesterday and today
1. thank you for that very chance even though it is not the way i wanted it to be
2. that God still enables me to hope in him. to raise up a prayer and a hope in the midst of these circumstances. i hope the cry of my heart be answered. show me Your miracles
3. thank you for placing shaun to stand by me and encourage me
4. thank you for those happy moments. although i had a tough day, you still put a smile on my face.
5. thank you that my brother is revitalising. yesterday, he had exam and went for the haircut. finally, i could get him an ipod for his b'day present.
6. thank you that you never forgets me. help me to be in tune with you, to take you as words and deeds and not to place my trust and hope in what i could see but on things that are yet to come and many more oh God. you know me more than i know myself.

I Threw My Evening on MSN

2008-12-01T02:04:00.002+11:00

The night shed with a dimmed light coming from the study lamp. Literally and unexpectedly I spent my evening chatting with my friend from the high school and a friend whom I had the least contact with. She was sharing about things that took me by surprise. I feel sorry about things that she has gone through. It must be very tough for her. I’m thankful that I know her but sadly to say I cannot see her again because she will be back to her hometown and be back to Aussie on February. Nevertheless, we can still keep in touch through MSN and Facebook. Thank you for those people who invented those means of communication that break the constraint of time and distance.

I never knew how tired it was to type on MSN window. I was typing non-stop. Seriously I was tired typing those words. It is always different typing those words for my assignments or uni works. like or not, I have no choice. At that moment, I was thinking of picking up the phone and just talking to them over the phone. So much easier.

I want to write more on this entry but I am tired of typing. I will write more for the next entry. Yea actually I wanted to write about the movie I just watch. Romance but yet hilarious. It is called Kate and Leopold. To be honest they don’t look compatible in that movie. Okei Okei..I write later yea..I am tired. It is 2am already.

Logic or Lame Gags

2008-11-23T21:44:00.002+11:00

Get together at Michelle’s house on Saturday. I cooked the seaweed fried noodles and fried eggs with a thick tomato and semi-caramelized onions. The fried eggs are actually my dad’s recipe.

After lunch, we sat in the circle. Calvin, oh my gosh, was playing computer games since I came till I went back home. I can’t believe he could sit for the whole day in front of the computer. Anyway he’s still listening to the gags. Here...some of the gags

Why, in the past, the superman used to two hands straighten up to fly but now, he used only 1 hand? In the past, it was still manual (you gotta imagine that the steer and the gear were just in front of the superman’s hands). But Now it’s auto already.

There is a young man wanting to head to a true town. But at the end of the road, there are 2 lanes, one heading to the true town and the other is a lying town, and the signboard has been broken to the point where it’s not readable anymore. And there is another old man standing just next to the broken signboard and that young man can only ask him one question. If you are in that young man’s position, what would you ask to get into the true town? Answer – bring me to your town – if he is from the new town, he will bring that young man to the true town. Even if he’s from the lying town, he will still bring that young man to the true town because he’ll never bring that young man to the lying town because he’s a liar – because of his upbringing in the lying town.

Why do you think the superman’s attire is so tight? Answer – it is because the size is ‘S’

What the digital watch tells his mom? Answer – mom, I don’t have a hand
There are 2 paws, the red bean and the kaya paws, and they are watching movie in the cinema? The red bean is laughing and the kaya is crying? Why? Answer – because they have different feeling.

There were many more but I won’t post them. Coz ?????

Now it is left to you. You judge yourselves. Lame or logical?

Crazy Facts

2008-11-21T00:34:00.002+11:00

how does it feel to fall in love? people say the world is theirs and they are completely happy. yea because they are in love. as for me, on one hand, I am happy but on the other hand, it causes of me lots of pain. you must be thinking that there is something wrong with me. I'll state my reasons in the following.

firstly, I cannot sleep because I keep thinking about him and as a result it causes me insomnia

secondly, my appetite swings because all i want is to eat together with him. thus, in the end of the day, i'm having gastric.

thirdly, I cannot concentrate on my studies because all i have in mind is him and him alone. as a result, my academic grades go down

fourthly, my heart palpitates crazily, my hands sweat, my face is red, my speech slurred, my body is shaking. then here comes the moment 'are you alright'? oh no..do you know how embarrassing is that? this is a complete disaster i reckon

do you see my points? is this normal or something? does love make you insane? oh, definitely yes

Nevertheless, i choose to fall in love because it is just so exciting to feel that way even though it is weird and crazy. above all, to fall in love is beautiful. i cannot express it with words, you gotta feel it yourself. but be ready for the side effects..LoL

An Overwhelmed Mind

2008-11-19T23:09:00.001+11:00

I’ve been thinking about my friend, Yohanna, over and over again. It seems like she cannot get out of my head. I have never felt this way before. I’m anxious because she didn’t reply my message. I hope she’s coping well. My other friend told me she was being operated a week ago. She got cancer. She messaged me a week ago but she didn’t tell me that she was sick all this while. I’m really worried about her. It seems that she didn’t want to talk about it. Please, I just want to tell her that I’m here stand by her side even though it is impossible to be physically present in front of her. But at least, I would like to encourage her in any possible way.

Yohanna is my closed friend since elementary school till now. She’s always been a naughty one. She’s also a cheerful one. Sorry that I didn’t follow up with you lately. I hope and pray that you’ll be strong. Do not give up. Do not allow that cancer to pull you down. You should give a lesson to that cancer that it will not limit you in any way to be who you really are, as yohanna that i know. So, berjuang ya Ana.

cheer up babe

Sorry That I Question You Too Much

2008-11-19T15:45:00.003+11:00

praying under a blanket makes me into thinking that it is just between me and God and no matter whether my roommate comes in and out of the room it does not matter anymore.with an expectation heart and scrupulous attitude i began to talk to God. in desperate i prayed saying i'm thankful that You called me into Your Kingdom and those people who were already known You. But how about those people in the far-fetched places where it might not be possible to reach out. who's going to reach out to them and tell them about You. and who is going to continue the mission to places that have been reached out. and How those people who are intelligently disabled or mentally disturbed would understand how's it felt to be Christian? to understand You fully as who You really are. Lord, sorry that i question You so much, but I wanna know. You have created them not to destroy them right?

guess what? God answered my prayer. it's from the book of Isaiah 59:1-21, particularly verses 16-21.
'the Lord looked and was displeased that there was no justice. He saw that there was no-one to intervene;so his own arm worked salvation for him and his own rightenousness sustained him. he put on righteousness as his breastplate, and the helmet of salvation on his head...from the west, men will fear the name of the Lord and from the rising of the sun and they will revere his glory...'. in summary, basically God imparted to me that i should not worry about them but He will take a good care of them. He himself will work out their salvation and He will not abandon them. as i was listening to a song title 'beautiful saviour', it's not just a beautiful song to hear. its lyrics, as i meditated upon the words, reflect the meaning Isaiah 59. it says

all heaven shout you praise
all creation bows to worship you

yea in the end of the day, all creations will bow to worship Him because He draw all men to Himself. i encourage you to read Isaiah 59 yourself. enjoy =)

An Accident

2008-11-18T21:07:00.003+11:00

warning for those who are riding a motorcyle. do not ride when your mind is blank because it gives you no benefit but an accident. my brother daniel just got into an accident just 2 days before his b'day. my mom was crying and i was shocked. he can neither walk nor sit at the moment. his hip bone is disconnected but he has been treated.

i called him and he told me that his mind out of sudden was gone blank. he said usually this kind of accident, the motorcyclist would surely be gone but because of God's mercy he's still alive. i can imagine how bad it was and i think my mom must be crying so badly.

i just wanna pray that you be revitalised and be well soon. and i warn you strictly, Daniel, that you are not allowed and certainly shall not ever again ride a motorcycle.

be well brother

Connect Group & Max's B'day

2008-11-18T15:28:00.013+11:00

this is where i belong. they are all my family. some of them were not here

no idea why shaun like to take unclear picture.

the B'day boy Max was going to be killed. was he still alive then? erm?? check it out

yeeeee he's still alive. much more alive. thank goodness.

Alex and Faith

KP..see marcus snuck up

the happy face

the sad face

Shaun and I

i miss you all and i'm gonna miss you when i'm leaving. oh no..another sayonara..

Habakkuk 1 & 2

2008-11-18T00:43:00.003+11:00

i was reading the book of Habakkuk before i go to bed and i discovered that the author was just complaining to God because He was silent even though He certainly knew what was going on at the point in time. the first time the author complained saying:

'How long oh Lord must i call for help, but you do not listen?'
'i cried out to You violence but You do not save?'

and the Lord answered
'look at the nations and watch and be utterly amazed.for I am going to do something in your days that you wouldn't believe, even if you were told. I am raising up the Babylonians (Chaldeans), that ruthless and impetuous people...'

I was amazed by God's answer because it shows that God is a merciful God that does not look at what those people have done in the past. He's calling all the sinners to Himself. He wants to save them. hang on there...this promise isn't only for those people in the past but also for people of this generation. keep on praying for God promises to do something in out midst, yea in this world.

the second time the author complained to God saying
'your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrong.WHY then do you tolerate the treacherous?why are You silent while the wicked swallow up those more righteous than themselves?'

God's answer
'write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. for the revelation awaits an appointed time;it speaks of the end and will not prove false. THOUGH IT LINGER, wait for it;it will certainly come and will not delay.'

this verse is actually an answer to prayer. a prayer that pushed God to act quickly because it has been too long to remain in that situation. i wondered why it took so long for God to turn around the situation. isn't He wanted their salvation as well. But why has it not taken placed even after i have prayed for it. doesn't He have a power to draw men to Himself? the above verse is the answer. God gently insisted me to write their names on tablets of my heart and continue to pray for them. for sure, the revelation will come and will not delay.

this verse also reveals to me that God is still alive and hears my desperate prayers and my hope does not make in vain. while waiting for the promise to be fulfilled, i need God to strengthen my faith in Him so that i wont stop hoping and praying about it.

brothers and sisters, do you mind to accompany me in prayer because at this time i feel im having this burden all to myself and it seems that i have no company at all. i feel that i have been praying alone. it does not matter whether or not you know what i was talking about. just pray with me. thank you very much for all of you.

Beyond My Understanding

2008-11-17T01:03:00.003+11:00

Lord, i want to learn to be more thankful in everything that is happening to me and my family. i want to learn to wait upon You patiently. not so much questioning You as to what you really want me and my family to know out of this circumstances. How long oh Lord for this to happen. how long you want to see me crying. i'm tired.i'm exhausted. i need rest.take this yoke from me or else do not let me know about all these things.

i just need You to act quickly. yeah quickly oh Lord. i'm desperate.

My Big Boy

2008-11-12T22:20:00.005+11:00

my brother and i were just talking on the phone. i just realize that he has grown up to be a big boy. i remembered when he came to my school at my grandama's hometown, the headmaster gave him 2 really huge bananas. he held them with his tiny hands and ate them all. i could not believe he could actually finish them all. since then i called him a monkey.

eventhough he has grown up, we still spend time together just like we used to be when he was still small. everytime i go back to indonesia, surely i'd sleep in his room. he will share all kinds of things before we go to bed like jokes, his girlfriends and etc. so basically, the night is full of laughter.

one thing i didn't realize till yesterday was that he's all alone by himself sometimes. he said he just needed someone to share something that is in his heart. i offered him myself saying 'well i'll call you once a week and you can tell all is in your heart'. i think he just misses me so much but he does not want to tell me.

this month on the 16th is his b'day. what would be the best gift i could offer? i think i'll talk to him all night long and of course i'd get him something. i just pray that he may grow stronger in Christ and be a big boy that i could be proud of.

love you Daniel Clinton

2nd Chance

2008-11-10T22:20:00.003+11:00

HAHA I just began with a laughter because I wonder why God is so good to me even after I've done to Him. i'm glad that i have this day taken place in my life. basically, through God's grace i've been given a second chance. i have been wondering what's gonna happened if i didn't take action. well, i thought that second chance would come next year, but it didn't. it happened right here and at this time. Oh Gosh i was silent though. but My God doesn't help me in silent. He helped me in a way that i couldn't never even imagined it could possibly happen. it's just impossible to happen. But God makes it possible to happen in order to show me He's always faithful. when I give up, He's not giving up on me.

So, since i have been given this very second chance, i wanna work hard on this. I promise. But i still acquire your help and company God.

Over The News

2008-11-09T20:16:00.003+11:00

do you still remember what happened on October 12, 2002 in Bali? let me refresh your mind. that's where Amzori, Mukhlas and Ali Imron blasted the nighclubs in Bali killing 202 people including 88 Australians. the good news is they died already. do i sound like an evil person because i take joy at someone's grievance? I don't think so.

lest anybody curses me because i take that stand, let me justify myself through all the facts that i reckon you might want to kill them with your bare hands as well. i strongly believe that the 3 bombers were sick in their minds. they were dare to say that they were died martyrs if they were being executed. martyrs? please how could a person claim to die as martyrs when they intentionally killed those people? their execution is what we called in law 'restrospective sentencing'. so what indonesian Criminal Justice System has done is absolutely in tune with the rule of law. the worst was they did not regret for what they have done. rather they claimed that what they were doing was just their duty to God. throughout their trials, their nonchalant demeanour made them to be nicknamed as 'Smiling Bombers'. what a bomber..

one thing i found it unusual and to my mind confirm that Amrozi was out of his mind already, Amrozi constitutionally challenged against the use of firing squads. why? because he preferred beheading. his challenge dropped and accordingly, the first method prevailed. to my mind, what's the different? it is still after all a death penalty.

i think i have enough talking about those bombers because i started feeling sick talking about them. they are so selfish and have no sense of humanity at all. i hope it would be the first and the last generation of sadistic bombers in indonesia..no more please.

Leisure

2008-11-08T23:22:00.003+11:00

i was just finished watching 'anger management'. a pretty good show though a little bit crazy..i laughed non-stop forgetting that the laugh was a trigger to my itchy and dry throat..*coughing

Adam Sandler was just a sweet man who could not control his implosive anger. this type of anger is hard to tell whether the person is actually angry. they love to hide their anger under their skin. but once it gets to the max, it's gonna explode unexpectedly and bang...you would be suprised. on the contrary, the explosive type of anger, you wont be suprised after all because you probably see them get angry for most of the time.

besides it is humorous, i take a lesson out of the movie..fidelity..ya that's the word. no matter how hard the anger management man and a sick flirty women tried to get him, he's loyal to his girlfriend Linda. that women was already partly nude in front of him (ya partly only), he said to that woman, "well, that *b are part that i hate the most because i have girlfriend.so better keep it girl"..well, im not saying there is no loyal men here on earth. there are but not many. women as well. so let's change our behaviour. go for the healthy one..fidelity is healthy.

=) =P

Hey Jude

2008-11-08T17:29:00.002+11:00

Hey jude, dont make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

Hey jude, dont be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey jude, refrain,
Dont carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Hey jude, dont let me down.
You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey jude, begin,
Youre waiting for someone to perform with.
And dont you know that its just you, hey jude, youll do,
The movement you need is on your shoulder.

this song just reminded me of my sweet and tiny cousin. he's just 4 years old when he sang this song. can you imagine how cute it is? it was so darn cute. imagine 4 years old boy who sometimes have his say mumbled could sing very well. his words were so clear. he sang with all his heart. i could see his neck's vein started shown off. im so happy when i found this song. i tried calling him but i could not get through. i'll try to call him till i get him on the phone because i want to sing with him. Hope i can get him ya..

Life After Exam

2008-11-08T16:39:00.003+11:00

life after exam is like life without life. we all just don't know what to do. time moves so slow. tummy never gets hungry, well at least this applies to me only while the rest gets hungry as the whim takes them. eyes cannot compromise whenever blanket and pillow touch my skin but still i was force to be awake. all was because a damn old movie called dracula. it was not scary at all. alright forget about it.

Zhi Zhang, Calvin, Michelle and I had a movie marathon for 2 nights. unbelieavable, we did it. well it was not our intention to spend time unproductively. blame the weather for that. it's raining like no body business for 2 nights. so michelle and i were stranded in calvin's and zhi zhang's house. michelle and calvin did the cooking. zhi zhang and i did the cleaning. we whack all the foods. so zhi zhang and calvin have nothing to eat after we get to our homes. Hihi

one thing that really shocked me was because michelle was so daring to just speak right to jerry's face asking him to shut down..upsssss i was feeling uneasy at once but after that it was ok. jerry did not get angry. he even had a private conversation with michelle but it was not about that, it was all about 'trying to push michelle to go for calvin'. that's hilarious. anyway, what michelle was trying to do was just to ask jerry politely to keep his say after the movie because we could not hear what the actors were saying.

finally i get home today. UHHHH what a day

Fever

2008-11-01T13:39:00.003+11:00

Oh bad. be strong please. fever, sore throat and aches please go away. I still have one paper to sit next week. so co-operate with me.Okay..Cool..

What is Your Name?

2008-11-01T11:37:00.003+11:00

At first I thought it would be very easy to answer that question. To simply say “Fransisca”. But the truth is it isn’t. Why? This reflects back to the question have I been living as Fransisca God has made? Or am I pretending to be someone else or live to the expectation of others? Am I satisfied to have Me as Me and not someone else who is better than Me? Am I grateful for the things that God has given me?

To answer those questions, it takes courage for me to say NO I AM NOT. Sometimes, I do compare myself to others and ask God why that person better off than me? Why is it I keep on failing when I have tried so hard to achieve that goal? Why some people could achieve it even though I know they are not really putting so much work on it?
I realize I have been asking the wrong questions. Well, I think, if God does not shape me as I am right now, I will never find God. I will never know that He’s real because through my weaknesses and incapability I FOUND HIM. And I know that through HIM I can do all things. Another answer will be ‘Jesus would die for nothing if all of us have all human beings could have asked for or desired to have (wealth, high intelligence and so on)’. God asks us to love one another and to support one another so that when one falls, the other could help. If we all smart and capable of doing things, how could we show the love that Jesus has shown us. Whilst Jesus on earth, He healed the sick, He helped the needy. That is love.

The same thing applies to me. Through my weaknesses, He places people surrounding me to support me. That’s the way God shows of Himself to me. In essence, God is actually drawing me closer to His heart – to let me know that I am precious in His eyes and I am closed to His heart. He wants to tell me that He as my Father will do all things to protect me. Let me give you an illustration, when the storm, thunder, lightning come, surely as a baby or a child you will cry loudly because all you could think of or see is those storm, thunder and lightning. You forget that your dad is holding you close to his heart. He will do all things to protect you, to comfort you and say to you that ‘it’s alright, daddy is here’. The same things happened to you and I, in hard times, all that we can see is the whole world is gonna collapse and we tend to forget, God is there and He knows what we are going through.

Come back to the identity question. I am glad for who I am and I pray that you and I would live a life according to the path that God has made for you. He chose that path for you not for nothing but for something greater that you are yet to see as you walk your journey faithfully.

Girls' Day

2008-10-31T18:43:00.008+11:00

all the girls on the girls' day outting

look at the shape of the flower, it's butterfly

that's my brother daniel

despite the fact that i mentioned previous posting that 'even though i know that God was watching over me, he knew my struggles, but He was silent', he spoke to me in the midst of my busyness. it was through my brother daniel. Daniel wished me 'a very loving and touching happy birthday'. through this message and concurrently God asked me not to look back but to see and run to achieve what is ahead of me. from that point i realised that i have been reflecting back what has been happening to me (not a good one, but the struggles that i did not manage to handle). and that memory flash back didn't allow me to go anywhere else.i was basically distracted whenever i tried to do other things that i supposed to get done. again and again i could not concentrate. there God rescued me, He texted (dont take it literally-it was through my brother) me "DON'T LOOK BACK, MOVE ON"..well, i laughed when i found this and i said to myself "God, you are really God. You never leaves me nor forsake.You remind me to do the things that i almost want to ignore intentionally...

the next one is a different story altogether. yesterday, janice, Carolyn, Li Yin and I had so called the girls' day outting. we spent the whole day having fun. at first we had lunch at Mures. the foods were fantastic. the view was awesome. they even served us with a bottle of red wine (it comes together with the set lunch). considering that it would be a waste of money to just throw the whole wine because janice and Li yin could not drink even for a sip, Carolyn and I had to finished the wbole bottle of wine. i started feeling not stable at the end of the last sip. but thankgoodness, the effect of the wine did not last for the whole day (it last for 2 hours only). lousy wine i supposed. anyway, after lunch, we went all the way up to botanical garden. on Man, the flowers were beautiful. i wished my house is nearby that garden so that i can at least take a walk whenever i feel stress out.

after about 8pm, we decided to dine out in the city. we went to restaurant called 'blue sky'. the foods were really really nice. the portion was quite small but it was just enough to stuff in into our stomach because after all we weren't so hungry when we decided to have dinner. it is just a routine that all human beings has to do. LOL. after 9pm+ we wanted to take a bus and we walked up all the way from the restaurant to the bus stop. unexpectedly, 3 Australian young boys looking drunk, started to walk from the right side of the road to the left side of the road where we all walked. they intended to approach us actually. feeling scared, i run because the 3 stupid man starting to walk faster towards us. things became worst. they run and screamed and insulted us at the same time. we walked back to the restaurant and the manager called up a taxi and paid for the taxi. he apologised for what has happenned to us because this things wont usually happened in Tasmania..well well..who knows..i kena twice already..what an experience. the funny thing from this incident was when Li Yin run like a train..buuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. i was the one running first but then i stopped running to see who comes after me. little i know it was my friend Li Yin. i stunt thinking wow she could really run man..i found this really really funny...

don't worry, we got back home saved. we watched the OCF's drama production till late nite..all have fun

Does God Answer Prayers?

2008-10-31T11:45:00.006+11:00

Now i know when people say it is easy to praise God when things go our ways. but it is so hard to praise God when storm hits us so badly. well last time, that phrase didn't apply to me, at least not absolutely. that was because God became so real to me in times of trouble. in other words, there was always a lesson behind all things that occurred in which it was beyond my comprehension.

However, a few days ago, i reliased that i find it hard to praise and even pray when things didn't work out the way i wanted it to be. i felt discourage and angry with God and literally blamed him for all things that happened to me. and i was angry as well when i held up unto His promises but nothing seemed to change the stress and disasterous circumstances that came along my ways at that point in time. though i know He was wacthing over me but still he was silent when i cried out. BUT i did not stop there, i still hope that God would incline His ear to my prayers and speak to me just like the way He has always been.

today, God was actually answering my prayers through that short and powerful video. little i know that Jesus actually did pray that he didn't want to take up the cup (to die on the cross). He prayed "Father if it is possibly, take up this cup from Me". but hang on there...Jesus didnt say that He changed His mind to set us free. that passage imparts a message that Jesus prayed honestly to His Father about what He felt. although God felt crush in His heart He still prayed "if it is not possibly to take the cup up from me, let not mine but thy will be done". the end result of Jesus's sacrifice, as we all already know, is our salvation.

through this video, God desires me to talk to Him in the Honest way. he wants me to report to Him what im going through throughout the day..He wants to know why i was crying and what i wanted even though certainly He knew all of it before it actually happened. the purpose of praying is to CONNECT ME WITH GOD and CONNECT ME WITH THE CIRCUMSTANCES. so He challenged me to JUST PRAY whatever and whenever things happened. stop focusing on your problems but start praying because prayers move mountain, bring changes,peace and hold us strongly in our hope to God.

i apologise if you all cannot really get what im writing..to know exactly what i was talking about in the foregoing paragraph, i encourage you to watch the video. do not just take it, Test it (refer to the word of God)
enjoy =)

=(

2008-10-28T20:03:00.001+11:00

GiVe
aNoTheR
cHaNcE
pLeaSe

Ocf

2008-10-18T21:29:00.004+11:00

it has been considerably frequent, i reckon, that this blog is full of complaint lately. juz had a hard times that i find it tired to cry already. but dont worry, my God sustained me. He put lots of people to support, encourage and even to pray for me.
at this point, this entry is special for OCF and those people who have been such an influence to me. well i begin with a scanty story of my downfall in Hobart.seriously, it took me so long to recover from my downfall. i felt lonely and miserable. i questioned myself how could i allow myself not going to church for 3 weeks since my arrival in Hobart. erm, i should not make an excuse that i could not find one. it is so lame i reckon. anyways, my senior actually invited me to go church and i felt home when i was in church. since then, i found attachment with the church members and soon after that i joined OCF. it was in the day and by the seashore. the soothing sound of a guitar and gentle blow of the wind were juz perfect. but then the rain spoilt it..haha therefore, we had to escort ourselves back to the house. it was alright anyway-everyone had fun.

first semester, teng teng, i was not consistent in going to OCF. dont ask me why because i might give you tons of excuses

second semester, i started to go to OCF frequently, i mean every friday. unlike KDC cell, i have to walk myself up to the place where we always have a meeting.hehe it's not far anyway, it's just about 10 minutes walk from my house..i think this time is a time where God tests my faithfulness to Him. because nobody will message me every friday whether im going to OCF or not-not to say i have not received even one, there is but i can count. the people in OCF really have a heart to win Hobart, especially the uni students for Christ. many activities they engaged in to attract people to come to OCF to know Christ. i love the fact that they are warriors in prayers-they formed a prayer meeting every sunday morning and when it comes to exam, the exam timetables will be compiled and all will be praying for it.

i came to know them one by one and you know what i discovered, they are so loving. they even made a nickname for me 'fransisca totti'. haha i find it funny. Desmond said that when we play captain ball (like a net ball), he jokingly said that my legs were more active than my hands.i dont know how true it was.

i personally thank alice, shaun ewe, marcus and travis for being such a wonderful person. and the rest as well. i always run to them whenever i need someone to talk to. alice and shaun always give me a spiritual and material supports. marcus has always been a cheerful person. haha i tend to call him 'mr solution' because he likes to sing 'solution song'. travis is a playful person. travis and i cannot be together, he always find way to kacau me. huhhh but it's all jokes.haha. having said that i think i'll be missing him because he'll be staying in melbourne permanently. i wish him all the best in melbourne.

besides that, i just wanna to thank shaun once again for being so kind, warm and loving. i think through you, God has spoken a lot to me. i remembered when i called him in the middle of nite, i was the first time i could open up and share with people. i can offer nothing but thank you. may God bless you always my dear brother.

not to forget uncle frank. i was just sitting next to him last night. he asked me about my exam. he encouraged me in such a way that i bring me to the very foundation of my faith. he said 'God sees the beginning and the end but we only see a piece of that journey. therefore, trust Him to take you through this exam'. above all, i thank God that He has placed all these wonderful people in my life. now i know that i am not alone in this foreign country. i have them to walk this journey. i pray that God bless them abudantly.

keep on going OCF, win UTAS for Christ

loathe

2008-10-17T11:26:00.002+11:00

in weary i came home from uni after all the threating criminology presentation...my head heavy and my eyes so much want to tear down. i feel so sad. i hate presentation. i did not talk that much during the presentation. although the idea of having the presentation was to engage the class to discuss the issues, but still, i feel bad. i was too nervous. i could not talk properly. although i could engage the class to talk, but still.... i dont know how to pour out my feeling into words...

i hate criminology right from the start. my assignment was incomplete. oh gosh, how i am going to pass this subject. the exam is only worth 15%..the assignment, oh no, it's 50%, seminar 15% and presentation is 15%. so basically, i only have that 15% to survive. i dont know whether it is enough for the passing mark.

so sad............

The Shepherd is the Lord

2008-10-07T06:40:00.002+11:00

Luke 2:8-20

interesting facts to take heed
1. a watchful shepherd - watched the flocks even at night - i was just wondering why must the angels appeared to those shepherds who watched their flocks at night? i reckon God actually sees the hunger and desperate hearts that long to see salvation of their loves one.
2.they hurried to see baby Jesus when they were told about His birth
3.they told others about what has been told to them and seen by them. everyone amazed and the shepherds returned with a great joy and praised and worshiped God for the things they have heard and seen which were just as they have been told
things that i learned today
1. a good shepherd must be watchful (vs 8)
2. an example and perfect shepherd is Jesus
3. therefore, every shepherds (we) must take heed of what God has said and share it to others (vs 17). the only way to know what God has to say to you to do is through reading the word of God and surely God will impart to you His heart, i.e. He will tell you your tasks.
4. the last point i called it "rewards". we will find joy when God's promises are fulfilled. you will be amazed of how things happened in which you thought at the outset was impossible. i once felt an indescribeable joy in my heart when one of my friend that God has placed in my heart and the one that i have been praying for got save. it was a great great joy that i can still feel it even till today. this was the reward that God gave me. He imparted to me that He was happy to see one of His children embarked home. He shared His joy to me. i teared down when i remember this. not that i felt sad, but it is a tear of happiness.

aren't you curious to know about what makes God smiles.yea yea i know He always takes pleasure and smile even only by seeing us happy.i.e. seeing you breathing, eating, laughing, studying and playing. what i mean is arent you want to know His heart. arent you want Him to share that indescribeable joy that i was talking about. arent you to be suprised by God everyday? sure you want, dont you?

Indescribeable

2008-10-05T17:48:00.003+11:00

sighing deeply and wondering in my mind about this weird feeling. really really weird. i cannot explain that. it afflicts me to the point where i lost my concentration. seriously, i just wanna get rid of this. it gives me no good at all. Oh No Help Me.....

What do i do

2008-10-01T00:37:00.000+10:00

Restless days have always been my best friends recently. Sound odd. Haha. Overloaded with uni works. Feeling that I could not even carry myself, I halt for a moment, and decided to listen to some music. While listening, I closed my eyes and ended up praying bringing my supplication and pleas before Him. re-fuel me oh God, from You alone I draw my strength and in You I can find rest in the midst of these hectic schedules.

Interestingly, while I was praying, what was in my heart and mind was just poured into words questioning God ‘why do you still delay in drawing us closer to you?’. Your heart torn seeing us still in our wicked way and crying out because some do not know You yet. You have power to draw us all to You. you know what God was saying ‘ya I have power to do so, but what I wanted you to have is to have Me real in your life. I want to bring you on my journey, i.e. helping the needy or meeting the need and showing you that this is Me and hence this is what I wanted you to do. If you show love and help one another, you are showing the whole world or them that I live in you and surely sooner or later they will know Me.’

Aching

2008-09-23T23:22:00.002+10:00

i woke up every morning with the bottom part of my body aching. strangely to say, i don't know what the possible causes are. it just happened since few days ago till now. why only attack my waist down to my toes? i hope it is not a long-died disease that has been resurrected. i used to have a continuous back-aching in which according to the diagnose of the chinese sensei and 21st century doctor, my back nerves and back-bones are not in its normal position. well, these were triggered when i fell down in the bathroom as far as i reckon and accelerated by my tendency to carry heavy things and prevalance to sit in the bad position. consequently, it is not really advisable to sleep in the cozy springbed. now i have to do exercises that the doctor recommended. I hope this aching won't last long. it's so painful, very very painful.

Cooking

2008-09-21T19:00:00.002+10:00

mixing things that i have in the refrigerator is really fun. i have no idea how would it taste. guess what it taste good. i relish in throwing things that i can possibly find in the kitchen into my frying pan until i don't realize that the frying pan is already full of ingredients. the only problem i have in cooking is 'to eat it'. seriously i cannot eat it all and i don't like to refrigerate foods till the next day because i hardly remember that i have it in my refrigerator. unlike my mom and aunty, they can re-do the leftover and it taste even better. don't ask me how they do it. they are very handy with the leftover foods.

if you are hungry, just let me know. i'm very keen to cook for you.

Be Still

2008-09-20T18:39:00.001+10:00

Be Still
Wait upon Me
Rest on Me
Stopped doing things
just enjoy My company
and My relationship with you

2008-09-20T16:06:00.003+10:00

a real setting of mooting

2008-09-18T13:14:00.018+10:00

I didn’t sleep a wink the day before our constitutional law mooting up to the real presentation. The rest of the team had a very sleepless and brainwashed day by all the justices in the cases that we were relying on to support our submissions. Now i really can feel the side effects of being unable to sleep even a minute. I have a terrible headache and am unable to concentrate. Surprisingly, I didn’t mumble during the questioning and delivering submissions. Anyways, it was a worthwhile sacrifice because we all did well though i did a very big mistake. I was not quite sure whether the single chief justice was asking me to make a summing up. I ended up proceeding to my second submission. well, traditionally, the counsel should ask the court's permission to proceed to the next submission and auchhhh i didn't ask the court's permission. Thank goodness, she was quite pleased when I delivered my second submission. I hope She won’t mark me down for that.

just wanna give a little of background of our moot question. it was about whether the commonwealth has a broad implied nationhood power to pass law in regards to obesity in which its provisions seek to restrict the distribution of junk food and prohibit its advertisement on Tv and radio and criminalise the offenders. our main submissions were based on 3 grounds namely, the scope and the breath of an implied nationhood power, whether the commonwealth can make a coercive law and in doing so, whether it accords with proportionality principle. obviously, the state would argue the implied nationhood power should be interpreted narrowly, whereas the commonwealth would argue otherwise.

anyways, this mooting isn't about who wins or loses the case. it is purposed not just to give us a real experience to stand on our feets and try to defend your client position, but also to gather us to be able to co-operate with our opponents. the justices seeks to mark us on our team work, i.e. correspond with every single issues.

here are some photos taken before and after the mooting.

carolyn was a senoir counsel for the Plaintiff, the state government. her arguments were the implied nationhood power should be intrepreted narrowly on the ground that it will give the commonwealth a wide ranging and unlimited power to step into every single matters that the states traditionally have jurisdiction to deal with.

Li Yin was a junior counsel for the plaintiff as well. her submissions were based on coercive law and proportionality. she argued that the commowealth had no power to be paternalistic restricting people's basic rights of dietary choice.

that's the sequence. on the right is the plaintiff acting on the behalf of the states. on the left is the respondent acting on the behalf of the commonwealth

Janice was my partner. she's a senior counsel

i was the junior counsel, acting for the respondent

that's four of us sitting on the bench where the justices sat

this was taken outside the court room

HuH...Sigh

2008-09-18T13:14:00.016+10:00

What a bugger....NEVER EVER stopped throwing me with lots of biasness and senseless and inhumane discouragement words. NEVER EVER heard from you a single word that builds me up since I knew you. Why??? Did I do anything wrong or hurt you in the past? I Never ever firedyou back though you always discourage and hurt me. I always tell myself ‘well you don’t mean it.’ But, I have certain limit of containing those. ALWAYS AND FOREVER I guess, showing me with your preference towards other. Well I don’t mind if you show me your preference. I respect your freedom of choice. However, Can’t you be a little bit sensible towards people’s feeling surrounding you? What I require not an immense or unreasonable degree of sensibility. Just a dinky or modest sort of respect and sensibility is sufficient.

Friends, I just want to say that’s what I feel right now and accordingly I just want to say that words are powerful and truthfully I say that those words eroding me from the inside out. So please do watch out what you say. At one hand, I hate complaining and I seek to end this bad habit. On the other hand, I don’t know what to do to end this. One and the only possible way out is to be bold to say to that person to stop doing that but of course in amiable and polite way. I WILL DO IT ONE DAY..IT’S A MUST

MusimSemi

2008-09-14T16:23:00.004+10:00

bulan september menandakan musim salju sudah berlalu dan digantikan dengan musim semi, musim yang penuh dengan semerbak aroma bunga-bunga yang sedang bermekaran. wohhh aq seperti sedang di taman bunga..senangnya.moment paling bagusnya adalah waktu angin bertiup kencang, bunga-bunga yang kecil berterbangan (itu loh bunga-bunga seperti bunga sakura)..ehmmmm beautiful dan wangi bener.. disamping itu, penderitaan musim salju sudah berlalu (yang perlu nangis-nangis_an lagi kalo pulang malam hari dari kampus)..hehe bukan nangis bener-beneran, tapi hampir nangis karena gax tahan dengan cuacanya yang sangat sangat dingin..sigh

tapi ada juga sich yang bikin ika kesel dengan cuacanya..tau gax sich, semakin hari, cuacanya semakin panas menjadi-jadi..sepertinya matahari ada 7..hehe kayak film sikera sakti aja..tapi kalo mau tahu apa yang ika pilih antara musim panas, gugur, salju dan panas, ika pilih musim semi. yes yang pastinya, gax musim panas karena kalo musim semi uda sepanas gini, gimana lagi coba kalo musim panas? man it knows no humanity at all..besar kemungkinannya, telur bakalan masak dengan sendirinya kalo di letakkan di jalan raya atau di lantai teras...ok enough for the complaint matter..let's face the sunny day with a big smile every morning. i hope i won't get so tanned by the end of spring up to the summer..

ok spring and summer, you know i like your warmness but no burning sensation please..need to cool down a few degree a bit..okay..cool

The Same

2008-09-10T17:35:00.004+10:00

isn't the message of the cross for all? yes it is.
hasn't God said that he who set the people free are free indeed? yes it is
hasn't God said if one member of the family is saved, the whole family is saved? yes it is
did God create us in order to destroy or to let us suffer? certainly Not. in Jeremiah 29:11, He said, He has a plan for us, a plan not to destroy us but to prosper us and give us hope and better future.
why am i quoting those promises? am i doubting God? certainly Not. i was just lugubriously distressed in my spririt about something. hustling God to act quickly to save those people that came into my mind at that period of time.

i took courage to myself in God's word that ensures me that He's the same God, 2008 years ago, yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever. if in 2008 years ago, God healed men from all kinds of diseases, resurrected men from death, performed miracles, restored children to their fathers or family, and delivered the possessed men from the evil spirits. God will also do those things in this era. it takes you to believe and to keep praying and asking. i believe God will keep His promises because He said that He who promised will bring it pass.

so i rest in His promise for i know they will be set free and strengthen as well...

Tougher

2008-09-08T22:46:00.005+10:00

seemingly it's getting tougher and challenging.

pawpaw

2008-09-07T19:55:00.002+10:00

i found a treasury to day..it's a pawpaw. the name sounds a bit weird to me though. anyways, after spending few months in Hobart, finally i could eat pawpaw. that's my dinner. well not as in pawpaw only, i ate salad as well. it's really really refreshing and yummy.

sadly to say i cannot enjoy it the way i enjoyed it back in Malaysia and Indonesia. it's really really expensive and that's why i called it as a treasure despite the fact that i miss eating it. anyways, there are many other fruits as substitution to it, so not to bad lo..

Tears of the day

2008-09-07T13:22:00.004+10:00

i cried..cried..it's a mixture of acknowlegment of how great the love of God and how unworthy i am to receive all that God has done for me. no matter how weak or far i am, He's still faithful. He can't deny Himself that He loves me and His people. no greater love i found but His. others had failed me but He's not failed me.

i was just asking God, what is in my hand. i don't even know what God has placed in my hand. the only and one that i could boldly say 'i have You alone God' that i can proud of having and that has kept me going. Please show me what is in my hand Lord and empower me to use it wisely. above all, draw me closer to you each day for i want to know your heart and feel your heart beat.

now i can't stop crying..

two living testimonies

2008-09-07T08:22:00.003+10:00

what struck me this morning was the thought of wanting to be a man who was possessed by 2000 evil spirit which i have posted in earlier entry. he ran after Jesus when he knew that Jesus was coming irrespective the constraints. it's true that one will prevail than many when we are on Jesus's side. this is the same when Jesus came to the earth..He was rejected by many but subsequently, He prevailed. so Now, the question is would you and i run after our Father? Honestly, i miss God. i miss the time when i see His creation i see Him. i miss my first love with Him..

another thought that i wanna be is that i wanna be like Ps Julie Khoo. Not literally wanna be Ps Julie. But i wanna be like what she said few years back when she was preaching. she said 'you can put me anywhere and i would just blend'. i remember she said that she was in the hospital and she saw an indian lady lying on the bed and Ps Julie just spoke hindi (Ps Julie is a chinese). what drives her to that lady and many people is the spirit of God. she is not looking at the constraints that may hold back from reaching out to those people, but she turned her eyes upon Jesus and God seeing her heart just grant her favour in everybody's eyes...remember this song

turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in His wonderful face
and the things of earth will go strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace

what makes me to have a thought to be Ps Julie was because i was just complaining to God about all the constraints that unable me to be fruitful. yea Ps Julie is the best testimony.
so all the constraints should not be the excuses not to be fruitful..take heed of the two living testimonies.

complaint

2008-09-05T00:27:00.003+10:00

i was just complaining to my mom about how dearly ridiculous the fav foods that i could enjoy at dirt cheap price back in Indonesia. fish is incredibly expensive..seriously it clobbers my purse. eel fish is one of my fav and according to my mom this is considerably cheap in Indonesia. well, i should not have complained about the eel fish because when i was in Indonesia, i did not like to eat it at all. it looks like a snake for me. But it is different NOW. i indulge myself eating that and i relish every single bite of it.ehhhhmmm yummy.

no worries, my mom promised me that she would cook lots of eel fish when i get back to Medan. sigh i can't wait for that day to come..

wannabe

2008-09-03T22:57:00.004+10:00

hehe..i just wanna be pampered...

I...
just wanna be taken care of by
just wanna be fed
just wanna be given a shoulder to cry on
just wanna be given a hand to walk with
just wanna be given an ear to hear about my side stories or my complaints perhaps
just wanna be given a smile when i wake up
just wanna be given a heart that tells me that i am loved
just wanna be...just wanna be...pampered

Ps Mike-planetshakers

2008-09-02T21:34:00.004+10:00

probably everybody knows about the poignant and heartbreaking story of a fake deadly cancer that Ps Michael Guglielmucci had told 2 years back. it has been said that he composed a song called healer and told the whole congregation that he was suffering from cancer and they all prayed for his healing. on the top of that he sang that song at hillsong church with an oxigen tube in his nose and neither his wife nor his whole family knew that he was hiding the truth that he was not suffering from the cancer that he had told the whole world.

healer became an anthem of faith for believers. yea it's heartbreaking but i think God must have spoken to him that urged him to confess to the whole world that he made it all up. in fact, the song touched me not in the way that healed me physically, but healed me from the inside out, viz, my broken heart. i was having my tough time at the time and the lyrics of the song were just come like healing water to my heart. my heart was starting to let go those hurts and allowed him to give a new branded heart (perseverance and forgiving heart).

personally, i thank Ps mike for composing that song and i pray that God sees him through as his case is going legal proceeding. lets all of us pray from him yea. i believe the song has spoken to us individually...pray yea

devotion

2008-09-02T18:50:00.002+10:00

God always and always have things to impart, share, amaze, affirm you and i everyday. But it takes you to open your heart to know and receive from Him. sometimes he also makes me laugh. he's a real joker to me. as i was doing my devotion yesterday from the book of exodus, He amazed in the way that remained me once again that when He asked you to do something, He will provide all the things that you need from the scratch. in the chapter that i read, he asked his people to build his house. God opened his people's heart to give all the resources like gold, silver, bronze, scarlet yarn, etc. you must be wondering where the resources came from? weren't they slaved and poor in Egypt? well, it's true but God didnt let his people went out of egypt empty handed. instead, they came out rich. besides all the materials, God also provided the skilled men who can do all kinds of artistic craftmanship. so, do not worry when God assign you a task, He will provide all the things that you need. just wait for Him. He's never too early or too late, but He's always on time.

today, i did my devotion in the very late morning. can you believe i woke up at 11am? Omg, i cant believe myself that i could sleep from 9.30-11am. yea i admit that i was very tired since the trip. anyway, i read from the book of Mark 5:1-18 which i was curious about what God had shared through the pastor on sunday. i read myself, and as usual, He spoke so clearly on two things. firstly, i have given you power to resist the things that wane you in your faith to Me.
He gave me an example of a man who was possessed by 2000 evil spirits, nevertheless, that man still approached Jesus when he knew that Jesus was coming. those 2000 evil spirit were powerless when he made a choice to use the power that God has given him. He made his way to come to Jesus and ask him to set him free from those evil spirit. so, when we wane in our faith to God, exercise the power that he has given you and run to him for more help. secondly, go and testify what God has done for you. in that chapter again, the freed-man was asked by Jesus to be a living testimony to those people who has not known Jesus yet. and guess what they were amazed.

so what now? it's time to act them out. be a doer of His word. an experience yourself how real amd powerful his words are.

fascinating excursion

2008-08-31T15:42:00.026+10:00

this week would be the last day for winter. upon knowing this, a few friends and i were planning to get the real touch of a snow at Mount Wellington and exploring tasmania as well. these were our itinerary :
1. Mount Wellington
2. ZooDoo & explore Richmond as well
3. Port Arthur (sadly to say, this's cancelled due to time constraint and non-familiarity with the road
4. instead, we ended up in the most boring place i could say, yea cassino.
5. see the sunrise at the Kingston Beach

he he this is nothing to do with the trip. i just want to show off my new hair. well nothing much changed. pls let me know if it does not suit me yea.

this is the team. let me introduce you to our driver, Sean Chew, the assistant Carolyn Cheah, Li Yin , Janice and me

can you see the one that Carolyn held? well it's our suicidal navigator, the speaker asked us to turn left when there's no turning left. besides that, we wandered off for many hours to get to Mt Wellington because that suicidal navigator that directed us to the wrong direction. thankgoodness, we had our map along with us. sigh, what i relieved when we finally got there.

this's at Mt Wellington

Janice & I

we again. there are lots of invisible holes and thin ice. haha i trapped on those holes most of the time.

indeed it wasn't that cold. not as cold as i imagined. nevertheless the wind was so darn strong. yea that's the one that made it cold. other than than, it's just like Genting Highland

we're enjoying the ice. yawn, wanna sleep there already

ouch..Jane was heavy, she sat on my back

this's at ZooDoo (an open Zoo), that's Emmo. OMG, he was running very fast as the car accelerated. most of the kids on the opened air bus were crying because of those animals that got their heads into the bus.

i was bewitched by its colour. that's peacock.

this's a paise/shy Koala. according to my friend, Koalas eat the leaf of minyak kayu putih. that's why they get sleepy all the time. i'll probably sleep too if i apply the minyak kayu putih all over my body

as i said in the foregoing, the animals got into the bus. can you see those camels? we have to feet them with our bare hands. oh no their saliva is gonna be all over our hands.

this's Tammar Wallabi (the smallest of the wallaby's families). they are very daring.

still at ZooDoo

this was taken when we went to see a sunrise at Kingston beach. it's about 15-20 minutes driving from my place at Sandy Bay.

Li Yin, Sean Chew and I

it's beautiful, isn't it?

see the sun is rising.

that's the car that we rented

Li Yin, I and Carolyn

this was taken before we were taking off..hehe as if we're taking aeroplane.

it has been a good journey. lovely.

know your weaknesses

2008-08-28T08:12:00.004+10:00

how do you see your weaknesses? do you see yourself as a loser because you are intimidated by other perhaps. please please i encourage you not to fall into the devil scheme. what the bible says about your weaknesses? it says 'in your weakness, MY grace is sufficient.'. so basically, God will use your weaknesses for good in the sense that it is to encourage you not to rely on your own strength but to allow God to move mightly as you maneuver your focus on Him, i.e. lay your trust on Him alone.

it is always best to know what your weaknesses are because surely, devil wants to use it to hold you back for moving forward or growing your faith to God or even doubting God. if you know your weaknesses, surely you know that devil can't cheat you any longer. you already know his scheme or plans. as you acknowledge your weaknesses, surrender to God. God understands your weaknesses, and He will help you with His righteous right hand.

why am i sharing this? yea to be honest, my weaknesses control my emotion in the way that distracting me from doing i should have done. i start making justification of what i was feeling. well the feeling did not go away. instead, i went deeper each day. discouragement and manipulation always come my way and not suprisingly those come varily from strangers to the people that i close with. heartbreaking. oddly to admit, i always don't speak up. so i keep it to myself. but then it destroys me from the inside. i begin to feel discourage. yesterday before i slept, i questioned myself "what am i doing? why did allow this things to happen? there you are..it's a devil scheme.gotcha" i get up with a new set of mind that 'hey you are not to allow those schemes take place anymore..see yourself the way God sees you.you are not a loser in His eyes. you are more than conquerer, victorious in His hand.'

so brothers and sisters, know your weaknesses and please take heed what God has said about your weaknesses. He will use it not to make your weak, but to make you strong and victorious through Him.

with lots of loves i just wanna say "may all of you have a blessed day ahead ya"

get up

2008-08-24T20:40:00.004+10:00

when you fall
get up,
hope then will arise.

our hope in Christ will never be dissapointed
hold and claim His promises
as He said, He will bring it to pass
it's yours

measure and weight

2008-08-24T14:27:00.003+10:00

we had an acoustic service today, slightly different than usually we had. it's wonderful though. besides, i think we had more prayers session and the message was so powerful.

Ps Anne was sharing about the measure and weight of consistency in our walk with God. often time, our measure and weight of consistency are being waved by people surrounding us, circumstances that come our way and our feeling that overrules or manipulates us. before i go any further. please keep this in mind "God has not changed, He's the same, 2008 years ago, yesterday, today and in the future. but we Changed."

how are we being changed by the people in our measure and weight? we have a tendency to put a large measure and weight of grace towards our immediate family or our loved ones. And small or slight weight of grace towards those who are far reaching, politician for examples. people can also intimidate us in which it will cause us to wave things that we should be able to speak boldly or do it without hestitation because we know God has put it in our heart.

another factor that does influence us to change in the way that God does not intend us to follow is circumstances. when things go well, we all feel so energetic, enthusiastic, happy and give praise and worship to God. but how if things are not going in the way we want it?will we still be able to raise our hands and give thanks unto the Lord? Job is a very good example on this. How did Job respond to God when all that he used to have was taken away, viz, his cattle, wealth, health, children and even his wife and his friends left him? in Job 2:10, after his wife asked him to curse God and die, he replied "are you talking like a foolish woman. shall we accept good from God, not trouble?"he's consistent in his faith to God. he acknowledged that things had its season. do you see the different respond from 2 persons who were going through the same circumstances but had different respond/consistency towards God? his wife cursed God, but Job still praise the Lord. are we like Job? are still going to give praise to God when troubles hit us? or do you still choose to do your devotion and prayers when things seem so normal? do you still praise Him irrespective whether you feel Him or not? boys and girls, men and women, do not let your circumstances change your consistency towards God. be consistent in our faith to God, whatever comes your ways for He'll reward you with a crown of life.

one last but not least is our feeling. a feeling is a gift from God. how could we express our joy or our grief without the feeling when words can't explicitly be expressed. but we must also be careful because our feeling can manipulate us and others as well. it can rob us from our true destiny that God has prepared for us. numbers 20:1-13, Moses let his feeling to manipulate him. he was so angry at the Israelites and he allowed it to overtook him. as a consequence, God said he would not enter the promised land. do you see how serious the consequence of focusing on our feeling?

we should give the same weight and measure consistency in our walk with God no matter comes our way. yea it's not easy because we are weak in our nature. only one solution to this "fix our eyes upon Jesus"

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His Glory and Grace.
God understands your weaknesses, He will use them mightly to reveal to you that He's able to bring you through and He's real. it takes you to believe. in your weakness, His grace is sufficient. i love this God and of course i love you too, no matter who you are.

Random Pics

2008-08-23T11:35:00.012+10:00

my bedroom

the living room

the balcony. i can definitely enjoy the scenary-the sea and mount wellington.it's beautiful.

the kitchen. this is the fav place.

puppy.it's worth $29.99 ONLY. unfortunately, i can't buy him because it's one of the express contractual term that we CAN'T have dog in the house

my beloved brother Daniel. a real joker, at least for me.

No comment

Yoong Sing b'DaY. see the bRoCcoli. he likes to eat veges, so we had a vege-olympic for him for his B'daY.

here comes temptation. chocolate chocolate.

caroline's last day in church and tassie.so sad.

wow i like this place. can see the tallest building down there. apparently, that's the tallest in tassie. it's casino and my house is just a few metres away.

random

2008-08-22T16:37:00.005+10:00

i have nothing to write, nevertheless, i chose to write something because i'm so bored. erm let me think....

perhaps i might just share about what i'm doing right now, i mean besides writing this entry. i'm laying down on the side of my bedroom with a few handful of honey wholegrain flakes placed in the container.crispy and yummy. laying in one attitude and enjoying the flakes of course. pretty bored huh. indeed it is.

let's talk about something else. how about drink spiking? this has been a tremendous issue in Australia but the criminologist, the policy makers and the law makers and even community are still in the great distress as to its prevalence. this is because the states have different jurisdiction in regards to this matter (no specific offence formed under the legislation, viz, the charge will be laid down depending on the numbers of factors such as intention of the perpetrator, seriousness of injury to the victim, etc). as a consequesnce, the police has a flexibility in recording them namely only drink spiking that is happened in conjunction with sexual assault for instance will be recorded. on the top of that, the victims often time do not dare to report it either because they can't remember anything that leads them into thinking that the police would not believe their side of the story, or the victims do not know the perpetrator at least it's for prank but this's of course different where sex assault involved (the perpetrators are acquaintances or close friends).

who to blame?victims or the perpetrators?what do you think. well, i would say, you are responsible for what you drink. you have to watch out what you drink. especially in the sexual assault or rape cases, it has been said that if a man buy you a drink, it indicates that you give your consent to what would be taken place subsequently. any opposition..sorry for all men, if i offend you, but it's a reality, though not all men.

is drink spiking prevalence? do the community aware of this? then how to bring it to their intention? well, as i said earlier, it's hard to detect its prevalence because it's under-reported. some people do exaggerate. the fact that they cant remember what has happened, it doesn't mean that your drink has been spiked. it could be that you are voluntarily drinking too much or ingested the drugs voluntarily to your drink. the blood or urine test would only able to prove the presence of the drugs or alcohol, viz, it won't tell you that your drink has been spiked.

How to prevent this? well, firstly, run a campaign to encourage people to report if they're being spiked, or perceived others being spike (hospital and bartender play this role mostly). besides, surveillance cameras should be installed in the licensed premises or bars and yes the drinking age should be increased because according to the articles that i have read, people below 24 years old of age will often to the subjects of this drink-spiking. on the top of that, police undercovered would be efficient in those suspected places.

so guys, watch out your friends and watch out your drinks..

anything to add, i'll be very welcomed to read them.

Mengejar HadirMu

2008-08-20T15:43:00.003+10:00

Mengejar HadirMu

dekat padaMu, itu rinduku

setiap kataku Kau pun menunggu

takkan ku sangka ku temukan satu kasih yang abadi

kini ku datang dan ku bawa hidupku

Reff: memandang wajah Mu

mengikuti kebaikan Mu

mengejar hadirMu dalam hidupku

membawa sembahku

menyatakan kebesaranMu

mengejar hadirMu dalam hidupku

ecstatic dinner

2008-08-20T00:15:00.004+10:00

it's been a tiring day, full not only distraction, but also impatient, anger, frustration, discouragement, an endevaour to run away from people..i just wanna be alone..but of course, this was happened few days back. today, i have so much fun with shaun ewe, janice and daniel teoh at shaun's house, viz, dined, cooked, laughed, and cleaned things together. anyway, it's shaun who prepared the foods. it's yummy. i like the japanese mince and vege stew and the seaweed soup. next time, i'll just ask him to cook if im lazy to cook because he likes to cook for others..haha seemingly that i take it for granted..

the laughter began when daniel asked janice and i whether we are orang asli (aboriginal). of course we are the contemporary orang asli. he laughed non-stop while taking about those people who lived in gubuk but yet have a huge astro. it's funny.

ahhhh i'm full and satisfied..

Judicial Power

2008-08-17T17:59:00.004+10:00

my Honour, as my learned senior Counsel, Ms Janice Wong Adamal has addressed the court, I, Fransisca Pinondang Siregar, will be dealing with the extent of the repugnancy of the Terrorism Act 2005 in the light of Fardon v Attorney-General (Qsld) (2004) 210 ALR 50 and Baker v the Queen (2004) 210 ALR 1.

may it please the court, i will begin with my first submission.

the Terrorism (Preventative Detention, Pulp Mills Security Amendment) Act 2005 is repugnant to the function of the chapter III Courts. it is submitted that the state of the Supreme Court exercising the Federal Court Jurisdiction must act in the court-like-manner exhibiting feature of traditional judicial process of the Federal Courts. this was stated in the dissenting judgment of honourable Justice Kirby in Fardon case in which he stated that

"state courts shall remain at all times curial receptacles proper to the exercise of federal jurisdiction. although they are not, as such, federal courts, subject to the express strictures of Chapter III, their inclusion in the integrated judicature of the commonwealth, the provision for appeal from them to the federal courts and the facility for vesting federal jurisdiction all imply that they cannot be required by state law to perform function inconsistent with chapter III"

what has been regarded as the traditional court like manner as refer by Kirby J in Fardon and Baker are such as punishment must be followed by the admissible evidence (retrospective punishment)-the court must be independent or allowed to exercise its discretions - fair trial must be seen to be done. in the presence case, no evidence adduced as to the individual responsibility of any of these individuals in the violence, viz, most video of the incident was obscured by smoke or dust, the violent offenders were masked and there's no surveillance on site. Moreover the AG was able to make an Exparte application to the court for a preventative detention order. this suggests strongly that the Taurine Tigers had not be given a fair trial and the parliament has a final say to the given case, i.e. the court has not exercised its discretion. therefore, the Act and the order are repugnant to chapter III courts.

the second submission in based on whether the Act and its objective are proportionate. Kirby J in Baker at para [20] said that the bidding contest in extreme punishment in which the members of parliament had become involved and warned that 'subject to constitution, only court of this country stands as guardians of proportionality and the avoidance of serious excess and departure from Human Rights. In Baker, what had been considered as non-proportionate and in infringement of Human Rights was the life imprisonment with non-release recommendation. Likewise in Fardon in the dissenting judgment of Kirby J, it offends the double jeopardy principles and retrospective punishment principles, i.e. fardon has served its sentence in its entirety, nevertheless pursuant to the order made under the Dangerous Prisoners (Sexual Offenders) Act 2003 (Qlsd), he remained a prisoner. in the present case, it infringes the retrospective punishment principles namely the Taurine Tigers have been detained for what they have not done in the past and future and past actions were merely suspicion.

if it pleases the court, that concludes my submission.